


Familiar Fallacies

by SinfulLuca



Series: Extended Estrangement [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drinking, Established Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Established Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, F/M, Fluff, Future Fic, Gen, God gets all the pronouns, God's A+ Parenting, Gratuitous Use of Capital Letters, Humor, I want to think, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Meet the Family, Multi, Non-Canon Typical Amount of Talking About Feelings, Other, Post-Canon, Post-Season/Series 04, Snake Crowley (Good Omens), more like meet the ex-son and not-brothers, they talk about Lucifer’s wings, you should not be surprised
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-01-06 05:36:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 33,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21221453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinfulLuca/pseuds/SinfulLuca
Summary: Chloe was starting to think that the Devil was actually british. Why else would they keep meeting his family on their vacation?





	1. Thursday

**Author's Note:**

> This was going to be a short one shot but it ran away from me.  
I hate to post unfinished things but this thing has been eating me for months and I need to post .
> 
> Mostly stand alone? You only need to know that Chloe had already meet Crowley and Aziraphale.
> 
> EDIT: thanks AO3 for messing the order of the tags.

“Are you sure it’s around here?” Chloe asked, hauling Trixie forward after she had stopped to stare at one of the shops. Please, please don’t be-

“Mommy, what’s that?” Chloe turned around to see a gaudy sign in neon colors, it’s font so fancy that it was unreadable. Oh god, it was a sex shop. 

“I’ll tell you later, monkey.” Later hopefully being somewhere far away from Lucifer.

He, of course, had other ideas. "It’s a se-” 

“_I’ll_ tell her later.” Chloe stressed. No matter how much she loved Lucifer, he was not having that conversation with her daughter.

Lucifer rolled his eyes. "If so you desire." He said disappointed. "Anyway, it has to be this way, why would the GPS lie? - ooh, look at _that_.” Lucifer almost purred the last part as his eyes found a very not-family-friendly cafe, one of the maids winking at him from across the street.

“Lucifer!” This vacations had been a horrible idea, it was like babysitting 2 kids in another country.

“Fine. But why can’t I have fun on my own holidays?”

Chloe rolled her eyes and kept walking. “Focus.”

“Yeah, yeah. The GPS says it's around the corner.” Lucifer pointed forwards, guiding them around the crowd towards their destination.

Most people would have said it was a hot day in London but for Chloe that had lived all her life in Los Angeles it was a perfectly mild day. Even with the temperatures, Soho - London’s entertainment district from what she had read and was desperately wishing to not be currently experiencing - was still packed.

Chloe would have prefered to not come here at all but she was running out of other things to distract Lucifer from remembering the reason he had picked London as their vacation spot in the first place - his brothers.

It was honestly pretty funny to look back and remember how years ago their impromptu visit to Lux had made Chloe believe that they were Lucifer estranged brothers that had been kicked out of the house by their delusional father for being gay. Oh, how she missed to not have to fear a smiting from God himself each time she mentally insulted Lucifer’s father.

After waving around the streets Lucifer finally announced they had reached their destination. It was an old bookshop, the windows more opaque than anything else after years of layer after layer of dust and grime that had gone ignored for maybe longer than Chloe had been alive. It looked empty.

“Maybe we came too early?” Chloe said, seeing the closed sign at the door.

“Or maybe we’re too late.” Lucifer pointed at a piece of paper that appeared to have been in the window for at least a century. “See? Thursdays from 12:00 am to 4:35 am and from 7:25 pm to 11:13 pm.”

Chloe raised a confused eyebrow. “Wait, what? What kind of opening hours are those?” She got nearer the piece of paper and tried to read it. The schedule itself had long ago become dark smudges instead of letters, now being replaced by scrawly and barely readable sharpie letters. Even then, the original print at the bottom was clear as day: _Hours open to change. Non-customers invited at all hours._ What?!

Lucifer rolled his eyes and walked towards the entrance, opening the door that seconds ago had been closed.

“Lucifer, you can’t just enter like that!” Chloe could only say. She hated when Lucifer did that. At least that cleared the confusion about if it was just a skills he had picked up through the millennia or another of his divine powers.

“How did you do that?” Trixie asked excited.

“Magic.” Lucifer moved his fingers as he spinned around. “But not mine.” What? Scratch that, that particular skill will keep being a mystery.

The door closed on its own as they passed through it, drowning all the sound of the lively Soho, as if they were the only people in the city. Not creepy at all.

“Woah!” Trixie said in awe. Chloe couldn't help but think the same.

The place was cramped. Almost every inch of it being covered in houseplants or bookshelves. There were towers of books everywhere: tables, the top of the bookshelves, and even some on the floor. Every surface that was not a plant was covered in them, barely allowing her to see what was before her, much less walk around.

Chloe got near a tower of books that was taller than Trixie and saw the top book. A Bible… should she be surprised?

“I doubt my brothers will care. Oh! Speaking of which.” Lucifer singsonged the last part as he walked towards a bunch of plants next to a window, a very black and thick rope behind them.

“Lucifer, please-” Chloe tried to said.

But Lucifer ignored her, taking the rope in his hands, violently tugging it. “Look who I found!” He said with a big smile, almost proud of himself.

Chloe’s eyes went wide. She could almost feel the moment her heart stopped. 

She jumped backwards and instinctively reached for a gun that wasn't there, adrenaline pumping through her veins.

“A snake!!” Trixie shouted happily at seeing the beast: a 10 feet long thing, black as the night with a dangerously bright red belly. 

The beast opened its slithed yellow eyes and raised in the air, jaw open, a hiss in its throat as it lunged towards Lucifer.

And then promptly stopped mid air.

The animal hissed in terror - no, not a hiss - it was a strange sound that reminded Chloe of a human shriek. The snake immediately started to violently wiggle, desperately trying to get out of Lucifer’s grip.

It wasn’t enough against Lucifer’s inhuman strength, who grabbed the snake behind its head with the other hand.

“Look, urchin, I got you a new jumping rope.” Lucifer singsonged as he offered the terrified animal to Trixie.

“I can hold it?” She asked with a gasp, extending her arms in excitement.

“No! What if it’s poisonous?!” Chloe reflexibly opposed.

“Oh, good point, I have never asked him that.” Lucifer smiled. "Are you poisonous?" he asked the animal directly, the poor thing still squirming and hissing in terror. "I'll take that as a no."

"Lucifer, aren’t you seeing how scared that poor animal is? Let it go." Chloe pleaded. 

"But your offspring wants to hold him! Here you go, kid." Lucifer finally relaxed his grip on the animal who took the opportunity and launched itself towards a tower of books. The whole thing came crashing down, leaving the poor snake belly up.

The animal tried to turn around as Lucifer went to retrieve it.

That’s when it happened.

“WHAT THE HELL?!” Chloe couldn't stop herself from shouting. Trixie only gasped, eyes, wide as plates.

“ASSSIRAPHALE!” The man - no, the snake - the man that just seconds ago was a snake shouted. 

The _thing_ ran towards the back of the shop, its limbs and back turning in horrifying ways, almost making Chloe return her breakfast to the physical realm.

“LUCIFER!” Chloe shouted, almost at the border of panic.

“Yes, I know. What an awful reception. I was expecting more from Crawly.” Lucifer calmly said, as if a snake hasn't just turned into a man before their eyes.

“THAT WAS YOUR BROTHER?!” Chloe tried to breath, it wasn't working.

“Well, yeah? I told you he was the Serpent of Eden.” Lucifer said as if this was a completely normal situation.

“That was. So. COOL!” Trixie shouted excitedly following after who - if Chloe remembered right - must have been Crowley. Trixie rapidly disappeared from sight, her small size allowing her to easily weave around the towers of books.

“Trixie, wait!” Chloe tried to go after her, but the maze of books made it almost impossible, her size not helping at all.

“He has a child?!” A voice came from the back as Chloe tried to evade the books.

“No, I’m my mommy’s monkey.” Chloe couldn't help but snort at the correction.

“Why does he has a child?!” 

“I told you-”

“The woman from lassst time wasss alssso there.” 

“That’s my mommy.” 

There was a moment of silence.

Chloe stopped when she was almost where the voices had come from.

Peeking from behind a bookshelf were the 2 men that she had meet at Lux years ago: Aziraphale and Crowley if she remembered right. They looked almost the same after all his time except that…

Crowley had no sunglasses.

Chloe audibly gasped as she saw 2 yellow inhuman eyes staring at her. 

“You’re ssscared of my eyesss after ssseeing me transssform?” Crowley sounded tired.

“You turned in front of a human?!” Aziraphale looked panicked at his companion.

“Well, what wasss I sssupposssed to do?! The freaking Devil had trapped me and-and-” Chloe could see Crowley bite his lip, his eyes sparkling, fear taking over him.

“Oh, Crowley, love.” Aziraphale said with a sweet voice, completely forgetting that they were supposedly hiding behind a bookshelf to assess the situation, preferring to hold his probably husband for dear life as he ignored the 2 humans staring at them. “Did he do anything to you?”

“No, no, don’t worry angel.” Crowley returning the embrace, the expression on his face trying to deny how much he needed it.

“Awww, that’s lovely. Why don’t we get a room? For all 4 of us?” Said Lucifer, appearing from behind Chloe.

Aziraphale and Crowley jumped, looking terrified at the newcomer. 

“Lucifer!” Chloe said, turning around and ‘accidentally’ stepping on his feet.

“Ouch! What was that for?!” He said confused.

“Apologize.” Chloe said with all her authority as the only responsible adult in this journey.

“I’m not a child-” Lucifer protested.

“Lucifer.” She said stern. Because even if Lucifer was literally older than dirt, deep inside he was still an hyperactive child.

“Ok, ok. I’m sorry Crawly for interrupting whatever you were doing by the plants but it has been such a dull day, what a better way to make our holidays more exciting that to play with you!” Lucifer tried to apologize. Chloe would have to give him a D- for the effort.

Crowley and Aziraphale were looking at them, wide eyed, mouths ajar.

“Holidays?” Aziraphale repeated.

“You didn’t come to bring me back to Hell?” Crowley raised an eyebrow in confusion, the exaggerated gesture looking a little ridiculous without his sunglasses.

“What?! No! I hate that place, why would I want to go just to take you there?” Lucifer looked almost insulted.

“Well, after… you know.” Crowley made a curious gesture that Chloe couldn't even start deciphering.

“Didn’t I tell you last time that I don’t care about the Armageddon’t? I should be thanking you two for stopping that whole disaster! We could all be in a war right now instead of enjoying the fine things in life like mojitos and sex!” Lucifer's words felt like someone had pulled the rug under Chloe's feet.

“War?! Armageddon?!” Chloe looked horrified at Lucifer.

“Oh, I didn’t tell you? The End of the World was programed for 1990, thank Dad for that one.” Aziraphale looked horrified at Lucifer.

“1990?!” She wasn't even 11. Chloe imagined that this was how being on a plane crash felt like.

“Yes, but this lovely fellas stopped the whole thing.” Lucifer pointed at Aziraphale and Crowley with a wide smile.

“He’sss talking asss if he wasssn’t there to murder usss.” Crowley hissed to Aziraphale, not caring if the others heard him. Chloe looked horrified at Lucifer.

“Oh, Crawly, sorry for that. I might have… overreacted a little.” Lucifer smiled.

Aziraphale and Crowley looked at him in disbelief. Chloe imagined she was looking at him in the same way. The murder part wasn't hyperbole?!

“Look. I had waited 6000 years to get back at Dad.” Aziraphale looked even more offended at Lucifer. “You know how hard it's to tell 10 million demons that the apocalypse was cancelled?”

Chloe missed when she thought Lucifer was delusional, life was so much easier then.

“Mommy, you look funny!” Trixie commented, holding one of the books she had found… somewhere.

“Give me that.” Aziraphale said stern. Trixie pouted but gave him the book without complaining. “Maybe we could all chat about this over tea.” He proposed as he checked the book for any damage that Trixie could have done to it.

“You’re offering tea to _him_?!” Crowley literally hissed, even when the phrase didn't have s sounds in it.

“Well… we’re british.” Aziraphale tried. Crowley only frowned.

“We’re not.” 

“We have been living here longer than every single british person alive, I say we deserve the citizenship.” A small smile appeared on Crowley’s face at Aziraphale's remark. It was good to not see the demon being terrified to death for once.

Chloe and the rest followed them towards the backroom. It was almost as covered in plantlife and books as the store, the only difference being the kitchenette and a table covered in empty wine bottles.

“Oh, dear. I should have cleaned…” Aziraphale muttered, ashamed of the sight.

Lucifer had taken one of the wine bottles, surely to judge his family's taste in alcohol. “You live the good life, brothers!” Apparently they had passed with flying colors.

“Stop with the brothers. Please.” Aziraphale sent Lucifer a glare as he took a steaming teapot that Chloe would swear wasn’t there a second ago. “Dear, could you-?” Chloe almost got whiplash from his tone change.

She took a deep breath, trying to organize her mind. That didn’t last long because apparently Trixie had disappeared in between the maze of books.

“I’m on it, angel.” Said Crowley as Chloe turned around, looking for her daughter. She had barely took a look at the books but she was pretty sure those things were more expensive than a whole year of salary, better to keep an eye on Trixie.

A snap was heard behind her as she spotted Trixie looking through another pile of books.

“Come on monkey.” Chloe said, taking Trixie by the arm, the girl pouting. They turned around and… found a completely clean table; 2 wine glasses and 3 teacups sitting in the middle of it.

“Who is drinking tea?” Lucifer asked as he took one of the wine glasses.

Crowley rolled his eyes and took one of the teacups, shaking it vigorously until it became a wine glass.

Trixie gasped. “How did you do that?! Can you teach me?!” she said looking at the new wine glass from every angle, almost vibrating in the excitement.

“Ask him.” Crowley pointed at Lucifer as he put on a pair of sunglasses.

“Come on Crawly, no need to wear those now.” Lucifer tried to take the sunglasses with his free hand. Crowley stepped away, looking very anxious.

“Yes! I want to see your eyes, they are so pretty!” Trixie said, still jumping around. 

Crowley went red, turning away from everyone. “No. And my name is Crowley. It has been Crowley for millenia. I even filed the paperwork.” He told Lucifer, getting more anxious by the second. Aziraphale turned as well, a wine bottle joining the teapot in his hands, waiting along Crowley about what the Devil’s response would be.

“Oh right! I completely forgot. Glad you did. Crawly was an awful name!” Lucifer laughed, letting both of his maybe-brothers relax.

Lucifer took the wine bottle from Aziraphale’s hand as he served tea to both Trixie and Chloe. 

“Don’t you have anything stronger?” Lucifer served himself a hefty amount. Aziraphale’s response was to take the bottle away from him, a stern look still on his face.

Chloe took a gulp from her tea. Oh! She wasn't usually a fan of tea, coffee was just something else, but this? “This is great.” she said. 

“It is? I'm glad. I didn't know if it would be to your liking.” Aziraphale finally smiled, it fitted him so much better. “Is been a while since last time I prepared tea." He said with an awkward smile.

Trixie frowned. “You said yo were british and that always means you drink lots of tea.” She pointed out.

Chloe looked to the side. “A little stereotypical but you did have a whole conversation about tea and being british.”

“Oh, dear, you do know I’m an angel, right?” he said, a sly smile on his face.

Chloe let out a sight. Yup, this was her life now. She noticed that Trixie looked to be lost in thought.

“Enough of a bastard.” She barely heard Crowley mutter before taking a long gulp of wine.

“Isn’t it a little too early to drink?” Chloe said, it was barely noon and the 3 immortals were already drinking wine as if it was water.

“Never too early when you have to deal with your boss.” Crowley looked at Lucifer. “Ex-boss.” he corrected himself. 

Lucifer looked surprised for a second before his whole posture changed to something more predatory. "Ex-boss?" he left his glass in the table and smiled. "What makes you think you're free from Hell?"

Crowley's body stiffened, the fear plain in his face, obvious even behind his shades.

"If I remember correctly, there are yet to be repercussions for your actions, no?"

Crowley gasped, cowering from Lucifer's piercing gaze. Aziraphale's took the snake's hand protectively, challenging the Lord of Hell.

"Yes, repercussions..." Lucifer smiled. "A promotion!"

The air of uncertainty disappeared in mere seconds, like a balloon deflating. Crowley made a strangled sound at the back of his throat and Aziraphale stared wide eyed at the Devil. Lucifer made a content sound as he took a long gulp from his drink.

"How does Prince Crowley sounds? I have been looking for centuries to get rid of Belphegor."

"What?!" Crowley shouted when he finally got control back over his throat.

"Think about it. We could get your old superiors transferred, have them as minions."

"N-no thanksss?!” Chloe couldn’t point out if Crowley felt more offended or baffled at the idea. “No need for a promotion, I’m fine on Earth. N-not fine but someone has to thwart that principality-” Crowley sputtered, his words more a script than actual thoughts.

“Thwarting. Of course.” Lucifer laughed, staring at the golden band in Crowley’s hand. The demon hid it away from sight immediately. “If so you wish to stay on Earth, so be it but the offer still stands. It has been standing for 6000 years.”

Crowley looked dumbfounded at Lucifer’s words. 

Trixie gasped. “Wait! So you’re an angel.” She said pointing at Aziraphale, he hummed in response. ”And Lucifer is your boss" She pointed at Crowley this time. "Then you’re a demon!" She sounded way too excited to meet yet another being from Hell.

"Yeah, yeah, demon, whatever.” Crowley said, still lost in Lucifer’s words.

The girl stayed quiet for a moment “Then why does Lucifer call you brothers?”

“Because we’re brothers.”

“It’s er… complicated?”

“We’re not brothers!” Lucifer, Crowley, and Aziraphale spoke over each other.

Chloe blinked at them. “Are you brothers or not?”

“Yes.”

“No!”

“Maybe?” And they did it again. Amazing coordination.

Chloe sighted. “Can we get an explanation or…?”

Lucifer smiled mischievously. “Well, in the beginning there was nothing… Until there was a bang. Not any kind of bang, mind you, it was the _good_ kind of bang-”

“Please stop.” Said Aziraphale, face red in between anger and shame.

Trixie frowned. “But Lucifer is the Devil and Crowley is a demon and… and the angel is an angel, how are you brothers?”

“Well…” Said Crowley, looking at Lucifer almost as if asking permission to speak. Lucifer just took another gulp of his wine. “Once, long long ago, we were also angels… and then we weren't.” A dark shadow passed through Crowley’s face. 

The Fall.

Lucifer had never talked about it. Oh, he sometimes did humorous remarks about it but he had never told her anything about what actually implied to Fall. Looking at Crowley’s face as he remembered it… It had been millenia since then and yet they still were haunted by the memory. Chloe didn’t even want to imagine what it had been like.

“Anyway, I’m Crowley. I’m a demon, one of the Fallen. Serpent of Eden, the First Temperer, Maker of Notpocalypses, yada yada.” He offered his hand at Trixie. She shook it with gusto.

Aziraphale almost snorted. “Maker of Notpocalypses? Really?”

“More unique than Stopper of Armageddon and I need to use the puns somehow.” Crowley explained.

Aziraphale rolled his eyes, a fond smile on his face. “Well, is my turn, I never introduced myself properly, did I? I’m Aziraphale… Angel? Principality? Mmm...” He thought for a second. “I would also be a _Maker of Notpocalypses_, no?” he asked Crowley with a smile. 

Crowley smiled back. “Don’t forget Guardian of the Eastern Gate of Eden, angel.” he sent Aziraphale a cheeky smile. The angel blushed a little. 

There was a story behind that. Chloe would have asked about it if Lucifer hadn’t choked with his drink. “GUARDIAN OF EDEN?!” he shouted, eyes wide. “You’re the one who lost the sword?!”

Aziraphale’s eyes went wide, scared. He cowarded in his chair, almost as if trying to become one with it. It wasn’t working. “I… I wouldn’t say it was… lost?” he almost whispered. “More like… gave it… away?”

“You what?! You're the bloody idiot that gave the Sword of Eden to the humans?!”

“Lucifer, Trixie is here.” Chloe tried to calm him down, it didn’t work.

“They had been kicked out! It was a desert and there were vicious animals out there, not to even mention the fact that she was expecting! How could I leave them like that?!” Aziraphale protested, for a second looking truly like a guardian. The Guardian.

“You gave the humans a sword that could cut through everything!” Lucifer said in indignation.

“It could do what?!” Aziraphale shouted in horror, all holy light leaving him.

Crowley laughed so hard that he almost fell from his chair. “Only you angel!” he said in between laughs, fond.

Aziraphale sent Crowley a stern look, it only made him laugh harder. “I had never used it before, how was I supposed to know it could do that?!”

Lucifer sat down again, still looking baffled. “Why would they even give the Sword of Eden to you?!”

“I think the previous owner and Guardian of the Eastern Gate got lost in a black hole…” Aziraphale said, not sounding so sure about his answer. "Well, at least that's what I heard before Gabriel gave me the sword and sent me to the Garden."

This time Crowley had actually fell to the floor, laughing. “Oh. Someone!”

The laughter lasted a good minute. “I’m glad they did.” Crowley said still a little lost in the humor of the fact that Aziraphale got his job because someone fell into a black hole. He looked up at the angel with a smile, his glasses all screwed. Aziraphale smiled at him, all full of love.

“Ahem!” Lucifer coughed in the fakest way he could.

“What’s a princy-princypalty?” Trixie tried to ask.

“Principality.” Chloe corrected, even if she was as lost as her daughter.

“Is a type of angel.” Aziraphale started. “There’s a hierarchy in Heaven divided in 3 Spheres subsequently divided in 10 Orders. Each Order holds a certain position. They are: angels, archangels, principalities, powers, virtues, dominions, thrones, cherubim, seraphim and Archangels.”

Chloe blinked rapidly. That was… an explanation. She noticed that Lucifer grumbled something under his breath, looking far from pleased as he drowned the rest of his glass.

“You said archangel twice!” Trixie pointed out. At least her little monkey had learned something from the conversation.

“Oh, no, I didn’t. There are archangels and then there are Archangels.” Aziraphale said. Was this an angelic thing? The whole making you notice a capital letter?

“Your… eeh… God thought it a good idea to have 2 types of angels called the same?” Chloe asked, an eyebrow raised. She couldn't imagine Lucifer's awful father doing something that silly… Although maybe that was not the best way to feel about an all powerful being.

“Well, no that’s… complicated?” Aziraphale tried to explain.

“It’s different in our language, it's yours that for some reason thought it was a good idea.” Crowley added. It had been ridiculous that it had never occurred to Chloe that their first language wasn't english - although in her defence, they all sounded british. Would Lucifer be mad if she asked to say some words to her? She was really curious to know what a non-human language could sound like. Did they sing it?

“That’s one part of it. Another is that She was gone long before the Hierarchy was created.” She? Lucifer’s mom? What about God? “I’m pretty sure it was Gabriel and the other Archangels that created it.”

Lucifer made a face at the name.

“What about Amenadiel? What’s he?” Chloe asked curious.

“Oh, Amenadiel, the First? He’s a Throne." Aziraphale said surprised.

"He doesn't look like a chair." Trixie said baffled.

Lucifer snorted.

"No, no. It’s… well... " Aziraphale pursed his lips, his expression that of someone unable to put his ideas into words. "They serve the Lord." he finally settled on saying. "But how do you know about him?" 

“Oh, he lives in LA, with our friend Linda and their son.” Chloe answered.

Crowley spited his whole drink as Aziraphale choke on his own. “SON?!” They shouted in unison.

“You didn’t hear about that? No one in Hell has stopped talking about that for years and I would imagine the gossip is worse in Heaven.” Lucifer responded.

“Well, we’ve been out of the loop for 30 years! It's not like they share gossip with traitors!” Crowley pointed out, a little more venom in his words than the intended. 

“Well, the gossip has come!” Lucifer said, refilling his own drink before starting to recount Amenadiel's surprisingly soap opera-y stay on Earth.

The gossip - as Lucifer had called it - had lasted a little too long. It was not surprising that early on Trixie had gotten extremely bored. Thankfully Aziraphale offered her a children book from the ‘sellable’ pile. Why a bookshop would have only one pile of sellable books should be a question that Chloe should be asking, but at this point she had stopped trying to find the logic in her life.

“Of course! We're the ones that have lived here the longest and no one bothers to inform us of this." Crowley said somewhat offended, serving himself yet another glass of wine, they were already in the 4th bottle. Freaking immortals, they didn’t even sound drunk.

“Well, if Charlie ends anything like Adam, then there’s nothing to worry about.” Aziraphale smiled brightly. Oh, at least they weren’t completely immune to drunkenness, judging by how crocked the smile looked.

“Oh, shit, Adam!” Crowley shouted at the angel, whose smile disappeared almost immediately.

“Oh, dear, what time is it?!” Aziraphale said.

“Adam?” Chloe asked.

"Our… eh… well." Aziraphale sent Lucifer a curious look. Chloe looked at him as well, confused.

“He’s…” Lucifer smiled widely. It had too many teeth in it, too fake. “My son.”

Chloe choked with literal air. “SON?!”

“You have a kid?” Trixie said very excited, almost letting the book fall to the floor.

“Well... you see.” For the first time in the day, it was Lucifer’s turn to look scared. Crowley looked incredibly smug at the fact. “The conditions to summon the 4 Horsepersons of the Apocalypse was very specific.”

“Horseersons? They are centaurs?!” Trixie asked excitedly. 

“Er… no.” Said Aziraphale, paler than usual.

“Aww, are they cool at least?” Trixie kept asking.

Crowley laughed. “Hell-”

“Language!” Chloe said, even if at this point it was a lost cause.

“No. I would say that Azrael was the less awful one, and they wanted to kill us.” Crowley said as if remembering a bad memory. A very bad one from Chloe's narrow understanding.

“Actually, Azrael goes by she now.” Lucifer said. Who was Azrael?

“Wait, really?!” Crowley asked.

“I think this is the first time they - I mean, she changes things up?” Aziraphale said, even if it was more of a question.

“Change things up?” Chloe felt very lost.

“Well, the whole sex and gender thing is very… human.” Aziraphale pointed out.

Chloe raised an eyebrow. “Sex?” She looked at Trixie from the corner of her eye who was back reading the book but Chloe knew her well enough to know she was listening.

Aziraphale looked confused for a second. Then he caught it. “Oh! Oh, no. I meant… male and female? Is not really something… we have.” he said.

“You have to put Effort into it and that’s too much work for my liking.” Crowley mentioned. Effort? Effort to get a… a that? She looked at Lucifer.

“What? I like to put effort into it!” He smiled devilishly. “Honestly, when I was deciding to come up here the hardest part was deciding that. At the end I went with the male body, so many more options!”

“Lucifer!” She scolded him.

“But yeah, most ethereal beings change their corporations each time they come to the physical real. Last time I saw Michael she had gotten a new one in preparation for…” Aziraphale stopped, sending Crowley a look.

“Armagenot.” Crowley added. Chloe should start to count the terms they had for the End of the World in 1990, it was very impressive.

“Yes, that. I have also heard rumors that Uriel changes theirs really often, even when not visiting.” Aziraphale continued. 

“Honestly, angel, I think you’re the only one I know that doesn’t change things up often. Even I like to at least put on a dress once in a while.” Crowley said.

“Well, I don’t like to change my style as much as you, dear. And anyway, I have had this corporation for far too long. After 6000 years one gets attached… Do you… do you not like it?” Aziraphale asked, a little self conscious.

“What? No, you idiot, I love you like that.” Crowley moved around his chair until he was near enough Aziraphale’s face as to kiss him. Chloe’s back hurts just from seeing the position.

“Iug!” Trixie said out loud. Chloe looked at her, a smile on her face, but all the humor disappeared when her eyes found Lucifer.

He looked wrong. Sad and broken. His eyes glassy, the wine glass stuck halfway to his mouth, droplets falling into his dress shirt. What had happened?

Lucifer raised his head and looked at her. He shook his head weakly, eyes pleading.

Chloe pursed her lips, sad. “Wait, so you… change bodies?” She hoped that wasn't what had hurt Lucifer.

“Something like that.” Crowley said.

Trixie got interested at that. “How do you get a new body? Do you posses people?!” was too excited about the topic for Chloe's confort. Maze had shown Trixie the exorcist, didn't she?

“Iug, no. Possession is the worse.” Crowley said with disgust. “You have to find a compatible body and then you have to fight the soul for power over it and if that doesn’t works you have to do it all over again. And don’t get me started in how unhygienic that is! You never know where a body has been! Awful.” She really didn’t like this conversation. Trixie didn’t thought the same, as she giggled at Crowley’s teatrics.

“The head offices usually make our corporations.” Aziraphale offered.

“Head offices?” Chloe asked.

“Heaven and Hell?” Crowley answered.

“It's awful to order one. So much paperwork.” Aziraphale continued. Paperwork?! In Heaven?! “And even if it wasn’t so time consuming to get a new corporation, it's not like they would give us one after the End that Wasn't.” 

“Why would you ask for a body? isn’t that your body?” Trixie asked.

“No, no. We don’t really have a… body.” Aziraphale said.

Crowley laughed. “And even if we did it wouldn't be pretty. Burned eyes levels of not pretty” 

Trixie did a face, curious. Chloe on the other hand frowned, thinking about Lucifer’s devil form. Yeah, it wasn’t pretty but she also wouldn’t say it was _that_ ugly… Ok, maybe she was biased but she still had her eyes intact.

“No, no, Chloe. That doesn’t even come close.” Lucifer said, serious. The grimace in his face at least better than the sadness from minutes before. “They are not joking. I would even say that you are underselling the whole thing. Burned eyes is too little. Humans are not meant to see _that_.” Lucifer send a glare to the other 2, who cowarded a little in their chairs.

Wait. So… the Devil form wasn’t his real form after all? She remembered the case of the burned corpses and something told her that she would end just like them if she ever tried to see Lucifer’s real form. Did that meant that in a way, she would never see the true Lucifer? Only the flesh suit that carried him around? She didn’t like that thought at all.

“Fun fact.” Crowley started. “Hell makes its corporations from animal carcases. That’s why I’m stuck with Snake eyes for the rest of eternity.”

“I’m glad.” Aziraphale said to himself with a dopey smile. “I love your eyes.” 

Crowley went completely red. Chloe was going to get diabetes just from seeing this 2.

“My offer for the foursome still stands.” Lucifer purred.

“NO.”

“WHAT?!”

“Lucifer!”

“Lucifer?!” A voice came from the entrance.

Both Crowley and Aziraphale paled, shouting ‘Adam’ in unison. They both stood in wobbly legs and tried to run to the front of the shop. 

It had been an awful idea.

Both crashed into each other, falling down after just taking 3 steps, becoming a tangle of limbs on the floor. The table was thrown out of balance, Lucifer in his inebriated state failing to catch everything. A glorious crash echoed around the room, wine splashing all over the floor and on the angel and demon on it.

“Are you ok?” Chloe crouched down to help them both but she didn’t know how to even start doing that.

Lucifer - helpful as always - started to laugh, one of the broken wine bottles that he had picked up from the floor on his hand.

Trixie gasped. “What was that?!” For some strange reason sitting upside down on the couch like the monkey she was.

It was that moment that this Adam decided to enter the backroom.

He was tall, had curly blond hair, and piercing blue eyes. He looked _nothing_ like Lucifer but that was easily the less weird thing she had noticed today.

He scanned the place with his eyes, finding Crowley and Aziraphale face down in a red puddle along a human kneeling down - also covered in the red liquid - and a child in an unnatural position on the couch. Lucifer - the Devil himself - laughing maniacally, a broken wine bottle in hand.

Well, it was her fault in the first place for expecting to have a nice and normal vacation.

"You." Adam said with such fury, such profound hate that the atmosphere around them almost crackled with power. "What have you done to them?!"

"Hello, ex-son!" Lucifer almost giggled.

Adam growled at him, walking forward with a terrifying authority, making the hairs in the back of Chloe’s neck stand.

"Wait!"

"Adam, no!!"

Both angel and demon shouted at the same time, standing up with a jump in front of the guy… and then promptly fell down as they crashed into each other.

"Maybe we should sober up, dear." Aziraphale proposed.

"Ngk, no. I won’t have this conversation sober!" Crowley stood, his balance still poor but this time it was much easier to not fall down without Aziraphale all over him.

"Uncle C? Uncle Az?" Adam asked, his voice between joy and complete confusion. 

"Hello dear."

"Hi menace." 

"What the… what's happening here?" He sounded completely lost, his aura of power and fury evaporating.

Aziraphale and Crowley looked at each other. “It’s a long story.” They both said.

“But you must know that - although unbelievable - he has not done anything to us.” Aziraphale reassured, standing up.

“Hey! unbelievable? Is very believable, _dear_ brother!” Lucifer protested. He was promptly ignored.

“Wait, what? How?!” Adam asked.

“Let me get more wine.” Crowley snapped his fingers, returning the broken glass to its former glory and cleaning all of the wine stains.

Trixie clapped. “I want to do that!” She turned around and ran towards Lucifer, shaking him. “Teach me, teach me!”

Lucifer tried to scare her as if she was a fly, the wine in his system making the motion look ridiculous. “No, that’s cheating.” He said, a drunk smile on his face.

Adam stared at Lucifer with a complicated expression - something in between horror and fascination.

“Maybe you should sober up.” said Aziraphale a little stern.

“No! I’m not a cheeky cheater cheat like you 2. We’re going to keep drinking anyway!” He sent Crowley a look, who was holding _yet another_ bottle of wine and a 4th wine glass.

“I’ll regret this, but... I’m with him.” Crowley filled the 4 cups of wine and took a good swing of his. “Ok, let’s start.”

“You’re going to keep talking?” Trixie wined. “I’m hungry!”

“Oh, dear, is already lunchtime?” Aziraphale asked to no one in specific.

“Is pass lunchtime. We were going out for a late lunch, but I think the plan is canceled.” Adam sent a glare towards Lucifer, the Devil only laughed as he took a swing from his drink.

“I don’t want to go out.” Said Crowley, lounging in his chair in such a way that Chloe’s back felt uncomfortable from just looking. “Let’s order takeaway.” He proposed.

Aziraphale’s eyes illuminated. “We could order some pizza from Cara’s. They usually don’t do deliveries but…”

Crowley laughed. “You bastard.”

“Can you please stop with the swearing?” Chloe scolded them.

Crowley rolled his eyes as Aziraphale took his ancient looking phone. “So, what topping do you want?”

Everyone stood in silence as Aziraphale ordered 3 large pizzas, leaving everyone else to deal with the awkward silence.

“Adam Young.” The newcomer surprised Chloe, he still sounded very on edge. The name sounded familiar.

“Detective Chloe Decker.” She said, giving the hand he had offered a confident shake.

Adam looked surprised. “You’re American.”

“Mmm, yes. And you’re… very british. Is that an… an angel thing?” Oh, well done Decker. That’s how you start a conversation with your boyfriend’s son.

Adam looked surprised, he smiled. “Er, no? I grew up here. In a little town called Tadfield. I'm not an angel anyway. Completely human.” he said as he raised his hands, as if that would prove anything.

Chloe returned the surprised look. ”I was not expecting that from... “ She send a look towards Lucifer who was talking with Trixie about how Crowley and Aziraphale were a pair of cheaters. “his son.”

Adam sent a pointed look at Lucifer. “Why are you with the Devil?”

Chloe made a face. “It’s… it’s a long story.”

“That we’re having over wine and pizza.” Crowley said, entering with 3 large boxes to the backroom. How had the pizza been done so fast?!

He set the boxes in the table and appeared 6 plates from tin air. What else could they appear?

“Is that pine with sardines?!” Lucifer asked horrified, echoing Chloe's terrified brain.

“Yeah! Adam’s taste buds are the worst.” Crowley said, sounding somewhat proud.

Adam frowned. “You asked that one place that does custom toppings to add rats!”

“It was once and I’m a sssnake” Crowley hissed for emphasis as he took a colorful slice of pizza full of meat and vegetables to give to Aziraphale.

“Thank you, love.” Aziraphale said.

Chloe served 2 slices of pepperoni to Trixie and took some slices of hawaiian for herself.

“Now. Can someone explain to me what he’s doing here.” Adam sent a pointed look at Lucifer as he took a bite of his unholy slice of pizza.

"We're on holidays." Lucifer singsogned.

Adam sent him a cold look. "Maybe I wasn't clear enough. What are you doing on Earth?"

Lucifer huffed. "Taking a break from Hell. Very needed after your little temper tantrum."

"Temper tantrum?!" Adam said, his cold voice unfitting for his handsome face, sending a chill down Chloe's spine. "You almost destroyed _my_ home. You still wish to!"

"Wished. Things have changed. Now I see why you choose to stop the Apocalypse."

Adam stared at Lucifer, his gaze serious, his stand that of authority. "Have you, now?"

Lucifer straightened his back, standing as the king he was. Adam's posture didn't waver. "For a decade I have lived between humans. Now I see why you choose Earth, oh Prince of this World.” he ended, a little sarcastically. Of course the son of the King of Hell is actual royalty. 

"Nop, not me. Normal guy." Adam said weakly, a reminder to himself. He relaxed his stance, looking more like just another tired adult. "Why would you come to Earth anyway?"

“Well, after the Armage-nop” Lucifer popped the p for added effect. “I started to think: why would anyone wouldn’t want to go to war against Heaven and finally get back at Dad?! just for Earth?” Both Adam and Aziraphale glare this time. Crowley just looked horrified. “I have to say, old me was an idiot. I’m glad I’m new me now, less stupid and much better looking - well, everything is better looking than the balls of plasma with wings and eyes Mum calls aesthetic.” Adam barely stopped himself from laughing, an undignified snort scaping him. Crowley didn't even try to hide his own laughter.

Balls of plasma? That was how they looked? Why make such a fuss about it? She knew why she shouldn’t look at the sun. Why the whole _’humans are not meant to see that.’_? Just for dramatics? Was being this dramatic a key part of being a fallen angel?

“And so one day… I was done. 20 years, 20 years those incompetente idiotic pests crying for war every. Single. Day.” The bite of pizza Chloe had taken started to taste like ash when Lucifer’s eyes turned red in anger.

She forced down the half chewed food and put her hand over Lucifer’s. He looked at her, surprised. His eyes that lovely dark brown again. Adam looked surprised at the exchange.

“I wanted absolutely nothing to do with Hell for a least the next millenia so I intimidated the Department of Vessels and Corporations for a body that didn't have rat eyes, hauled Maze out of the Pit and ended in a lovely beach of LA - what better place? the city of angels, a beacon of sin and depravity! So I told Maze to cut my wings and th-”

A crash was heard. 

Everyone turned around to look at Crowley, his wine glass had been dropped and his face reflected true terror, just like Aziraphale’s.

“You did WHAT TO YOUR WINGSSS?!” Crowley shouted horrified, he looked to be at the edge of panic.

“Maybe you should check your ears - do snakes have ears? - I said I cut them.” 

“Why would you do that?!” Crowley shouted back, grasping the table to the point that he pierced the old wood with claws that werent there a moment before.

“They grew back anyway." Lucifer countered. "They are bothersome.”

“W-what?! NO! They are… they are wings! Even more part of us than arms or legs!” Crowley said, dramatically moving his own arms. Chloe was starting to think his skeleton was purely aesthetic. "You mutilated yourself!?"

That knocked out the air left on Chloe’s lung. She couldnt breath. Lucifer had… Lucifer had… He had cut his wings, it has never felt real to Chloe. She knew they had grown back and had seen them once or twice but Chloe's brain had never come to terms with the fact that those 2 horrifying scars were something he had done to himself. It haven’t been an act, Lucifer had cut his wings.

“What about flying?!” Crowley continued, still at the border of panic. Chloe was not far behind

“Where? is not like there’s much space in Hell and humans would immediately notice.” Lucifer countered, already tired with the exchange.

“Hardly a problem when you can just let out a miracle or two.” Aziraphale said.He sounded far calmer than Crowley but Chloe had been a detective long enough to know fear and horror when she saw it.

Chloe could hear Lucifer mutter ‘cheaters’ under his breath. So the magic was called miracles? No surprise there. Was Crowley’s magic also miracles?

“And what about using them for protection?!” Lucifer’s eyes went a little wide at Crowley's words. He couldn’t protest to that. “Or to scare people by throwing stuff without anyone noticing?! Or as fans?! or for… mmm affection.” Crowley mumbled the last part, evading everyone's sights.

“You mean cuddles.” Aziraphale said loudly, a little impish. “And not to say about hugging and we both know how much you love when I groom your-”

“Stop, stop!” Crowley said, embarrassment written all over his face. 

“Point is: why would you want to get rid of something that’s so intrinsically You?!” Aziraphale asked, pain and confusion in his voice.

Lucifer frowned. He was furious but not enough for his eyes to glow. Chloe took a gulp from her tea and wished it was wine.

Lucifer left out a laugh completely devoid of humor. “Is it, now? Aren’t they just chains to Him? Just proof that we were made to be nothing but His willess puppets?”

Crowley and Aziraphale looked at him baffled, hurt. In horror.

"What the actual fuck?! Chains?!" Crowley finally said, laughing almost hysterical. "What about your body? Your life? Your powers? Might as well stop existing!” Crowley howled. “What way of thinking is that? That even after Rebelling, after Falling, after stopping the stupid Great Plan - even after all of that - It was all meaningless?!

"That’s your bloody chain! - not the wings or the miracles - is the idea we never mattered. And you know? We will never know if that’s true or not! It's not like They’re going to tell us. As if They’ve ever said something to us! Why should we care what They do or don't do if They don't care for us in the first place?!” he ended, his tongue and fangs turning into something far from human.

A complicated expression took over Lucifer. It was rage and surprise and maybe, just maybe, a little bit of understanding.

“She’s Ineffable after all.” Chloe barely heard Aziraphale whisper, the words charged with something incomprehensible to Chloe.

"Might as well get your head out of your arse and live already!" Crowley shouted before his face morphed into panic as his brain finally caught on with what he was saying, to whom he was talking to.

Crowley gulped, staring terrified at Lucifer.

“What if we just went back to the previous topic?” Adam said, glaring at Lucifer. “So, you got to LA and then what?”

And so, some hours and an indescribable amount of wine later, they had gone through a heavily censored version of Lucifer’s almost 10 year stay at LA… well, they tried.

It was a curious experience to listen to the other side of years of partnership. It was also nice to finally be the one with answers. Sadly, she could not enjoy the feeling that much, as she had to keep up with Lucifer’s story so that he stopped embellishing it.

Trixie had fell asleep in the couch a while back and Chloe had made the horrible decision that if they were going to talk about Cain, might as well get drunk with the others.

By the end of it, Adam and Chloe were barely conscious while the 3 immortals - that had easily drank 75% of the wine - were still very awake and very giggly.

"And while this bloody mess was happening, some idiotic lesser demons were trying to turn one of the other Fallen into the new King of Hell." Lucifer was precariously balancing on the back legs of his chair.

Crowley looked baffled. "W-what!? How does anyone look at the bloody Fallen and says _‘yeah, look at this traitors!’_" Crowley said from Aziraphale’s arms.

In the middle of the retelling of the story about Lucifer’s mom and the Sword of Eden, Crowley had fell from his chair after Lucifer had mentioned that their mother had escaped. He had not bothered to stand up again so Aziraphale had picked him up after half an hour. Now he was half draped around Aziraphale as if he was a snake… that he actually was.

"Belial stabbed half of their rebellion before stuffing them into a closet." Lucifer snorted.

"Idiotsss." Crowley mumbled, trying to take a swing from the bottle and ending drenched.

Adam frowned, half of his body lying on top of the table. "But... but they could have been King. All Hell. Theirs-theirs..."

"The Fallen have always been passionate followers. Can’t blame them.” Lucifer smiled smugly.

“Fanboys, all of them.” Crowley spat.

“All but one.” Lucifer sent Crowley a judgemental look. The demon lets out a strangled sound at the back of his throat before hiding his face in Aziraphale’s neck.

“Seeing as the idiots weren’t getting any Fallen to take over the throne, they decided to convince Eve to summon one of them.”

“Dear Eve?! No, no, Eve… how could she...” Aziraphale rambled, his voice coated with disappointment.

“I was expecting more from her!” Crowley spat, sounding actually hurt.

“That’s what millennia in the Silver City does to you.” Lucifer groaned. “At that point the bloody idiots were desperate and asked me to come back. I refused so instead they went for Charlie.” he ended, his voice cold and furious, even with the alcohol in his system.

Crowley hissed threateningly, furious. The primal part of Chloe’s brain shouted, she needed to run, to get away from the monster. The rest of her brain was in no rush to move from her chair.

“The moment they stepped into the Field Office Beelzebub would have destroyed them.” Crowley hissed, pure venom dripping from his voice… maybe it was actual venom.

“Not so far from the truth. After rescuing Charlie I sent every single one of the infuriating idiots back to Hell.”

"Every? That explains why things had been so quiet up here lately." Crowley groaned.

"But... but you must also have been... Hell… sent. Poof." Chloe tried but her mind was more preoccupied trying to not fall face first into the table.

"I would think I would remember _that_." Chloe looked confused at Crowley.

"Oh, you completely slipped my mind." Lucifer half laughed.

Crowley didn't know if he should have looked offended, Adam did. "He helped adv-adv... Apocawoops!"

"Not a good moment to remember about the sole Fallen who's a Field Agent."

"But... but you sent ALL the demons back... right? Crowley is a demon..." Chloe said.

Crowley murmured something about not being any boring old demon.

"All the lesser demons." Lucifer said. Demon politics. She always forgot there were actual demon politics. Why were there demon politics? "When I went back to Hell I was expecting riots, a revolution, anything. Instead I find Beelzebub dismembering some of the demons flooding the looby of the Field Office. She really needed that after the Apocalypse that wasn’t”

Crowley paled. “They didn't ask for me?”

“Of course she did but we were preoccupied otherwise with the other traitors. There’s a new lovely place in Hell for traitors to the crown.” Lucifer smile fondly.

“And you’re not going to throw me in there?”

“I’m getting tired of repeating myself: No, you don’t have to go back.” Lucifer sent Crowley a glare, his wobbly chair not adding much to the effect.

“Let me… let me… look. You came to Earth to have fun… and now… and now you want… you like here.” Adam was really trying.

“I would think that would have been clear hours ago.” Lucifer spat back, drowning another glass of wine.

“And what… you’ll… when bored. you get bored of Earth and then what?”

“Is it possible to get bored of Earth?” Lucifer laughed.

“Nah, is not. Never. Humans always changing everything.” Crowley said.

“And so fast...” Aziraphale looked trouble by the fact.

“See? Nothing to fear.” Lucifer added, balancing his chair forwards and almost falling down.

“Pardon me for being fearf-f-f... for wanting to protect my home.”

“Taking very serious the part of Prince of This World, no?” Lucifer said.

“Who said prince of anything? Not me. No no no, I just like my Earth without… without ends.”

“Why… why Prince of… of here?” Chloe asked.

“I…. I don’t know? It was part of the antichrist’s title…” Adam look troubled.

“Antichrist… like in… in the book." Chloe's brain was a little lost.

"Revelations." Aziraphale said, but Chloe remembered the book starting with a B, and being a good murder weapon.

“So... “ Chloe kept going… and then forgot. Oh right. “So you.” She pointed at Adam… or she hoped she was. “Are the Antichrist.” She was surprised she could even say the word.

“Said that… no? The Adversary, Destroyer of… of... “ Adam stumbled with his words.

“Of Kings.” Crowley completed Adam’s phrase. 

“Angel of the Bottomless Pit.” Added Aziraphale.

Aziraphale and Crowley continued in unison. “Great Beast that is calle-” 

“Stop!” Lucifer shouted. “I don’t want to hear that.”

Adam frowned, the whole drunk look on his face making it less scary that it should be. “Yeah, because it wasn’t aaaaaaaaall your fault.”

“Mine? Mine? It’s all Dad’s fault! It was His Plan!” Lucifer grumbled.

“St-stop talking like that of Her.” Aziraphale tried. “You talk like She’s… like out for you, laughing and…" he gestured widely. "but no. No… She’s n-not like that… She… She's...”

“Don’t you dare to say it!” Crowley protested. 

“Ineffable!” Aziraphale half shouted.

“Ineffable!!” Adam shouted back.

“I hate you both so much.” Crowley pouted. 

“So…” Chloe started and forgot again. “You’re his” She pointed at Lucifer for a whole minute. “son.” 

“Yes.” Adam said.

Chloe looked at Lucifer with a frown on her face. She hoped it was intimidating. “3 years dat-da-going you and… and you didn't tell me? I… I have to pay another co-colle-uug."

"I'm for-forty! I'm a master… something. Professor! I’m Professor! I’m Teach! No Prince of things here!" Adam rambled.

"Your son is older than me?!"

“I’m older than time!” Lucifer raised his hands in the air, the chair barely restraining from falling.

“I have to pay the retirement plan of my boyfriend's kid!" 

Adam choked on his own howling laughter, almost breaking his empty glass as he slammed it against the table. “You’re going out with the King of Hell!” Adam said after some breathless minutes. Chloe didn’t know if he had meant in in a bad way, she imagined neither did the guy.

“Title I never asked for! That place is aaaaaawful.” Lucifer almost falls backwards, barely grasping the table.

“The smell. The leaks. Everyone trying to stab you!” Crowley shouted as he kept hugging his angel.

“Heaven is not much better.” Aziraphale said, rubbing his hand against Crowley’s back. “So bright and empty and… and humans say there are chorus of angels and no. No. No more How do you solve a Problem like Maria!” The angel winned. Wasn’t that from… from that movie?

“How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?!” Adam and Crowley started to sign very out of tune.

“How do you find a word that means Maria?” Lucifer continued with his stupid pretty voice. Chloe hoped she wasn’t smiling like an idiot. Sadly, she was.

“A flibberrdfefrfg.” The trio tried, completely stumbling with the lyrics. “A will-o'-the wisp! A cl-”

“No, no! stop!” Aziraphale pleaded.

All 3 of the guys started to laugh. So so loudly it was making the windows vibrate… or maybe that was the alcohol.

The laughter stopped almost as fast as it had started… maybe, time was not really working for Chloe right now.

Chloe kept staring at the angel and the demon, really thinking about the position they were in. Oh, right, years ago, Lucifer had said... had said… “Are you married?”

Both Crowley and Aziraphale looked around before their sights landed on her.

“Yes, yes, you could say so.” Aziraphale started, a dopey smile on his face. “We were fine with not making it official at the eyes of the law. It's human law after all, why should we bother, human law pertain to humans not to us, that-”

Crowley rolled his eyes - now visible thanks to his skewered glasses - and shutted Aziraphale up with a messy kiss.

So… they were married… and all of them had been angels once. Angels whose dad was the same. So they were… they were… “You’re actually in an incestuos relationship?!?!” Chloe’s inebriated brain finally came to the conclusion.

Adam’s face suffered a harrowing journey through the 5 stages of grief in the span of seconds. Crowley and Aziraphale just stayed at anger.

“WHAT?! NO!” Crowley shouted.

“WE’RE NOT BROTHERS!” Aziraphale shouted as well.

“Yes we’re!!” Lucifer shouted in between laughs. He couldn’t stop. “Same parents!.” 

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!” 

“THAT’S PREPOSTEROUS!” 

Lucifer kept laughing and laughing and laughing until his poor chair finally gave up.

Trixie woke up startled as Lucifer crashed down. She frowned at the 2 half dead adults in the table, the Devil on the floor and the very enraged angel and demon still draped over each other. 

“Bad mom.” She said with every ounce of authority the only sober person of the place could hold. “We’re going back to the hotel.” Chloe should be preoccupied about her daughter being the only responsible being in the room but her brain had lost signal a while back. “What a horrible example you’re all giving me.” she remarked, her hands in her hips.

“Oh, monkey. I'm so… so....” What?

“Mmmmm, dear, sober up?” Aziraphale told Crowley.

“Fine, fine.” They both closed their eyes, wincing at… something.

They untangled themselves and stood without wobbling, as if they haven’t drank liters upon liters of damn good wine.

“Cheaters!” Lucifer shouted from the floor.

Angel and demon looked at each other with a raised eyebrow. “He dislikes miracles so much that he prefers to have a hangover!” Crowley laughed.

“I’m not asking Dad for help.” Lucifer looked to the side like the spoiled brat he truly was.

Aziraphale frowned and so did Trixie. “Wait, the magic tricks are you just asking your daddy for help?”

Aziraphale looked horrified at a kid referring to the Almighty as ‘daddy’. The logical part of Chloe also would be horrified but that part might have jumped from her ear 1 hour ago.

“Something like that.” Crowley said. He then sent a pointed look at Lucifer. “I’m not carrying this dunce.”

Aziraphale sighted. He was going to help the Devil himself to stand up but before that could happen someone poked him.

“Thank you for the book.” Trixie said, holding the book towards the angel.

“Oh. Did you like it?” Aziraphale asked.

“Yes! It was really funny. My favorite part is when the snake ends all tangled up and falls from a cliff!” Crowley’s face morphed into horror at Trixie’s words.

Aziraphale laughed softly. “You can keep it, then.”

“Really?!” She smiled brightly.

Chloe frowned. “Umm? How much is for the book?”

“Oh, no need for it, dear. I strongly believe that knowledge shouldn’t be set behind a price tag.”

“Especially if it's part of your collection. Then it doesn’t even get shared with a price tag.” Crowley snickered.

Aziraphale sent his husband a pointed look. “Anyway, where are you staying?”

Chloe tried to say the name but she couldn’t recall it properly.

Trixie was the one to save the day, giving Crowley Chloe’s smartphone with Google Maps open. “Oh, we can be there in 5 minutes.”

One part of Chloe’s mind asked herself how could that be possible, the hotel was pretty far away from Soho.

Some minutes later she learned how.

“I’m going to puke.” She barely could say, the excited shouts of Trixie as the car rampaged through the streets of London drowning the vocals of Freddie Mercury.

“Not puking in the Bentley!” both Lucifer and Crowley shouted.

Crowley turned around to look at Lucifer, completely taking his eyes away from the road.

“It's a very nice car. Incredible conditions.” Lucifer pointed out.

“Oh, thank you! I have had it since 1926.” Crowley added, taking his HANDS away from the wheel.

“Impressive, I have a 62 Corvette.”

Crowley laughed. “A Corvette? You?”

“Well-”

“H-how are you driving?!” Chloe said, wide eyed. 

“It's magic!” Trixie said, enjoying too much the high speeds they were going through central London.

“No, it's cheating.” Lucifer said, almost pouting.

“It's convenient! Look! We’re sober and ready for another round of drinks while you have to deal with a hangover because you have to be a dramatic wank-”

“Love, maybe you shouldn’t…” Aziraphale interrupted, rising at eyebrow at Lucifer who didn’t notice.

“I know! 30 years waiting for someone to come for us and… and nothing!” Crowley said almost hysterical. “He didn’t kill us in LA, he didn’t kill us in the bookshop. I think I’m losing it if I’m bantering with Lucifer Fucking Morningstar, the Devil himself, the Adversary, the Lord of Hell, the Prince of Darkness, the-”

“Nop!” Lucifer shouted, half draped over the backseat. “How many more of those you have?”

“Eeeeeeh… I don’t know? A lot.” Crowley shrugged.

“Whatever! I’m not going to smite anyone, what a mess would that make!” That… that wasn’t the right reason to NOT murder your lovely and very gay not-brothers. “Anyway, how many times do I have to repeat myself? I like Earth. I’m actually _glad_ you stopped that whole disaster so stop crying you pair of wimps.”

Chloe glared at Lucifer. By the way he smiled at her she imagined it wasn’t as effective with the alcohol in her system.

Aziraphale was looking at Lucifer with a complicated expression. “Pardon us for being scared of the… _man_ that 30 years ago tried to take everything away from us.”

Lucifer frown deepened, a crooked smile on his face. “Feeling a little too mighty, aren’t we?” Chloe noticed that the car had come to a complete stop moments before, truly in front of their hotel in less than 5 minutes. "What reason do **I** have to even bother to do anything to you? keep your stupid maze of a bookshop, keep that sham of a son." Both Aziraphale and Crowley were looking at him, a strange mix of rage and surprise in their faces. “Who cares about you two? What a waste of time would it be to even raise a finger against you pathetic excuses of living beings!"

Lucifer was prepared to do a dramatic exit… but there was no backseat door.

Crowley - a little startled - opened the door and let him out that way, before sitting back in the pilot seat, something akin understanding appearing in his face. He looked at Aziraphale who proceed to have a silent conversation with his partner.

Chloe stared at them, quiet. Had Lucifer just told them in the worst way possible that he would never try to harm them? Chloe felt a fond smile creep into her face. _That bastard._ The moment didn’t last long.

“Mommy, I’m tired.” Trixie whined, startling all 3 adults in the car.

“Oh, yeah. Let’s go monkey. Thank you 2 for everything. It was nice to have the opportunity to properly meet after so long.”

Crowley frowned confused as Aziraphale spoke. “Long? wasn’t it just the other day?”

“I-it was years ago?”

“Exactly, it wasn't that long ago.” Crowley said with an arched eyebrow.

Chloe blinked repeatedly. 

A knock in the window took her out of her thoughts, it was Lucifer.

Aziraphale opened the door and let both Chloe and Trixie out. “I’m sorry for taking so much time out of your holidays.”

“No no, it was a very… interesting day.” 

“Nonetheless, I hope the rest of your holidays go far better than today went.” Aziraphale said, an anxious smile on his face.

“No no no, it was… it was fun.” Chloe tried to reassure him with a surely crooked smile on her face. Tomorrow morning was going to be the worst. “It was… nice to know more about Lucifer and… and all this.”

“Thanks for the book, Mr Ass!” Trixie says with a cheeky smile. Chloe will have a words with her when she was less drunk. 

A very loud laugh was heard from the car, Crowley falling sideways to the copilot’s seat. 

“Yes!” The demon could barely say in between laughs.

Aziraphale frowned fondly. “Dear…”

“You do have a nice arse.” Crowley said, a little calmer, looking at his partner while still laying on the copilot seat.

“Oh, shush, you willy old serpent.” Aziraphale swatted his hand above Crowley’s head, seating down when the demon finally moved.

“Good night!” Both said, waving as they disappearing into the distance.

Trixie and Chloe waved back, until the girl couldn’t help but yawn. “Come on monkey.” Chloe said, taking her daughter’s hand and finally started to walk towards the hotel. But someone was missing.

“Lucifer?” The Devil had been looking at the place the Bentley had been just one minute ago. A strange expression on his face. Was it rage? sadness?

“I’m not an hypocrite.” Chloe could barely hear him whisper “Why would I take from him the freedom I always wanted?”

He took Chloe's hand and finally guided her towards their room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can't even imagine how much I thought about the hierarchy asdiygwluhp4igorht  
Of course there’s one in Good Omens but I still can’t remember any point in Lucifer that they had ever mentioned something of the kind. Not to say that Lucifer does mention having A TON of siblings, implying to me that he considered _every_ angel to be his sibling.  
So what I ended up here is a Heaven that had no hierarchy until the fall.  
As for Amenadiel's weird ass place in the hierarchy…  
Everyone was expecting him to take upon the highest post in this new hierarchy... but he didn't want to. Being an Archangel meant focusing exclusively in the rest of the angels and he would have prefered to serve God directly, so he asked to be put into the rank of the thrones. Absolutely no one treats him like one and he doesn't even do normal throne stuff so the title is more for show.
> 
> <s>Concept: Crowley was meant to be the original Guardian of the Eastern gate but no one noticed he Fell. Everyone thinks he ended inside a black hole because he just thought they were neat.</s>
> 
> <s>Concept 2: When Aziraphale owned the sword it couldn't cut through everything, it was only after gifting it to humanity that it gained this power, born from Aziraphale daring to suffer the ire of God if it meant the humans would live.</s>


	2. Friday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A heads up:  
Lucifer uses he for God and she for the Goddess.  
Aziraphale uses she for God and they for the Goddess.  
And then Crowley wants to make us suffer and uses they for both.  
I meant it when I said God gets all the pronouns.

Chloe was never ever again drinking in her life. She told herself as she took a long gulp of the water glass that Lucifer had brought her. Freaking immortals, he barely looked bothered by the hangover.

“Any plans?” Lucifer asked, who sat on their bed next to Trixie.

“Well, first we should eat breakfast.” she said massaging her head.

“More like brunch.” Lucifer pointed out, as he took a look at the book Trixie had in her hands. “What are you reading, urchin?” he took the book away from her and took a look at the page she had been reading.

“Hey! I was reading that!” Trixie pouted, climbing over Lucifer.

“So slow, you aren’t done with it yet?” Lucifer teased her.

Trixie got her hand over the spine of the book, a triumphant smile on her face. “I did finished it but I wanted to read it again.”

Chloe raised a surprised eyebrow at this. Trixie wasn’t the book type, it was surprising to hear she had been so enamored by the thing.

Lucifer smiled devilish and took the book out of her grasp, now half of his body lying on the bed. “What book could be interesting enough to read twice?” 

Trixie stood on Lucifer’s stomach, a pained expression appearing on the Devil’s face. He still wouldn’t give the book back. 

“That one! It's really funny.” She jumped but Lucifer turned around to maintain it as far away from her as he could.

Thanks to the change in positions, Trixie landed on Lucifer’s side and lost her balance, falling towards the floor. Chloe’s eyes went wide but before she could do anything Lucifer had already stood up to catch her in the last second.

“The Snake and the Rabbit.” Lucifer read out loud as he held Trixie upside down with one arm. The girl only laughed. “I’m not seeing where the artistry of this work lies.”

“The Snake and the Rabbit are trying to catch the Dog, but they fail and fail and fail! There’s this part in which the Dog almost falls in one of the Rabbit’s traps but then the Dog uses the Snake as a rope and this one where one of the Snake’s plans goes wrong and he ends on fire!” Trixie giggles.

“Schadenfreude, well done teaching the offspring, Maze.” Lucifer said almost proud.

Chloe frowned. “So it’s just a book about things going really bad for some poor animals?”

“No! What happens is that the reptiles and the animals of the woods really dislike each other but they also dislike the Dog and his friends so they send the Snake and the Rabbit to get rid of the Dog. So the Snake and the Rabbit are both trying to catch the Dog but at the end they become friends and protect the Dog from their families.” 

Lucifer frowned at this explanation, taking another look at the cover. He huffed. “Of course.” He said rolling his eyes and dropping his arm. Trixie finally saw her opportunity and balanced - still upside down - towards the book.

“Mine!” She said in victory. Lucifer almost lost his grasp on her but rapidly turned her around, landing on her feet. 

Trixie whooped. “That was awesome, do that again!” 

“No.” Lucifer said, dramatically sitting down again.

“Can I see the book, monkey?” Chloe asked, leaving her empty glass of water in the table next to the sofa.

Trixie skipped towards her and offered the book. The cover had an adorable drawing of a dog playing while a black and red snake and a rabbit with a bowtie stalked it. At the bottom she could see the name of the author: A. Young. “Wouldn’t this have been written by your… _son_?”

Lucifer made a face at that. “Yes.”

“He writes children books, then?” Chloe asked. Being a children book author did fit the idea of the cheerful man who had gotten drunk with them. That guy who was funny and charming and loved to tease his uncles. 

On the other hand, this man had stood before the King of Hell as an equal, ready to fight against his own father the moment he dared to hurt those that Adam loved. The Antichrist, Prince of this World - Lucifer's son. Could he really have written this? 

A book about found family… it made sense.

“I have no idea.” Lucifer answered.

Chloe frowned. “You don’t know what your son does?” she said in a cold tone.

Lucifer looked at her, serious. “No. I think this was the first time I was face to face with him.”

“First time ever?” Chloe said, a little more venom in her voice than intended.

Lucifer’s eyes escaped from her piercing gaze. “Exactly. We were supposed to only meet for Armageddon but… you know how that ended. I was going to have a word with him after he decided that a saturday of 1990 wasn’t going to be the end of the world but then I was back in Hell, no Armageddon, no War. Sonless.”

“... What?” She said in distress. Her mouth kept moving but no sounds came out.

“How do you end sonless?” Trixie asked.

“Well, he just wished me to stop being his father.” Lucifer answered nonchalantly, as if it was something that just happens sometimes.

Trixie frowned. “But wishes don’t just come true, you have to put effort into them.” 

“Not when you have all the power of existence under your fingers.” Lucifer moved his fingers to illustrate his point.

“W-what?” Chloe was glad she was still sitting down because her legs would not have been able to hold her. 

“I did mention that the Apocalypse needed very specific conditions.” She really missed Lucifer’s playfulness. Seriousness didn’t fit him well. “The 4 horsemen will ride. The soil under their feet crumbling into dust.” he recited, like one would say the lyrics of a long forgotten lullaby from childhood. She didn’t like the implications behind that. ”The An… Adam’s job was to summon them, to make them real in a way. They have been part of humanity since the start, just as ideas. It was him who would allow them to directly change the world. That's a lot of power, enough to change the fabric of existence. Enough to wish to stop being… my son.”

Chloe just stared. Wide eyed, her breath stuck in her throat.

Trixie frowned. “That’s the worse wish. He didn’t wish for infinite chocolate cake? Or an ice cream of all flavors? Or not more homework?! Who wouldn’t want to be your kid? You’re so cool!”

Lucifer’s eyes went wide for a moment but he rapidly recovered his usual calm. “Your offspring has good taste, detective.” he said appearing to be as carefree as ever but Chloe knew him well enough to notice the shine of embarrassment in his eyes.

“But wait… are you telling me that the man we meet yesterday and got drunk with… can control reality?”

“Not anymore. He denied to be the Antichrist and the powers that come with the title. Now he’s just another boring human.”

“That apparently now writes children books.” Chloe said, taking another look at the book.

Was he really powerless? Yesterday, when he thought Lucifer had done something to Crowley and Aziraphale, she had felt something powerful. Was he dangerous? Or as long as Crowley and Aziraphale were safe would they be as well?

“Enough about that, where are we going?” Lucifer asked, standing up from the bed.

Chloe appreciated the distraction.

The plan for today was to take a relaxing stroll through St James’s Park. So after discussing for a while they took the subway and ate breakfast in the café inside the park.

Chloe didn’t know if they served breakfast this late but even if they didn’t Lucifer’s devilish charm was enough to convince anyone that this was an acceptable time for a complete english breakfast.

Chloe raised an eyebrow after Lucifer sent a wink at the waitress that had brought them their food. 

“Oh, don’t be jealous Chloe.” He said, taking the most shameful gulp of orange juice as another waiter passed by - who promptly crashed against another.

Chloe rolled her eyes, kicking him under the table.

“Mommy shouldn’t be jealous-” Trixie repeated, her toast half eaten in her mouth.

“Trixie, no talking with your mouth full..” Chloe interrupted, sending her a stern look.

The girl pouted and gulped down her food. “- because Lucifer loves her the most.” Trixie smiled impish as she took another mouthful.

Lucifer tried to glower at Trixie but the spreading blush on his face was diminishing any power the glare could have hold.

Chloe laughed at her 2 demons and kept eating with a smile. 

After paying for their food, they left to explore the rest of the park.

She was glad they had made the time to visit, St James’s Park was truly beautiful. Through the week they had visited numerous landmarks, museums, and historical places, all beautiful on their own right, but none of them compared to the beauty and calm of the park. This was the vacation she had needed.

After a while walking, they decided to get some food to feed the birds, so they took seat in a bench near a pond full of them.

“They are looking at me funny.” Trixie said with the bag of bird food in her hand.

Chloe frowned and took a better look. She wasn’t expecting much, ducks could not look _funny_ at you.

Honestly, she shouldn’t be surprised. It was her own fault for believing something in her life could be normal.

Trixie had undersold the weirdness of the ducks. Each species was gathered as far away from each other as physically possible, every individual staring daggers at the other groups. The members of each flock were quacking into each others ears almost as if whispering, looking judgmentally at Trixie as she let out a handful of seed towards them. The ducks almost scoffed at it.

One of the bigger black ducks pushed an almost scared looking tiny duck towards the seed. The little duck took some of the seed and ate it slowly. When it was finished it turned around, letting out a weak and anxious quak towards the group.

The bigger duck rised its neck before flying away, almost offended, the rest of the flock following after it.

“What’s wrong with those ducks?!” Trixie said, baffled.

“Was that a duck mafia? Oh, it was!” Lucifer said cheerfully, gaining a deadpan look from Chloe.

“Duck Mafia?” She asked. Why would there be a duck mafia? 

“They were acting like one.” Lucifer pointed out.

“You… you have nothing to do with this… Right?” Chloe had to ask. At this point she would not be surprised if there were demonic animal mafias.

“Of course not.” Lucifer looked offended at the sole idea that he would bother with something as simple as ducks.

“Hello doggy!” Trixie’s voice surprised them both. “You’re so cute.” Trixie singsogned as she petted the mutt. The dog took a sniff from her hand. The animal appeared to pick something up, as it promptly walked away from Trixie.

“This is…” Lucifer said incredulous. The dog had smelled his shoes and had started to jump and bark. It was so loud for such a tiny dog. 

“Quiet!” Lucifer ordered.

The dog obeyed.

“H-how?” Chloe asked, even if the logical part of her brain knew that the answer lie in _‘I’m going out with the literal biblical Devil’._

“It’s a Hellhound.” Lucifer explained as he made a disgusting face, invading Chloe’s personal space as he tried to get away from the dog. 

She would normally laugh at Lucifer's dramatic reaction at the animal but her brain was too preoccupied in other matters.

“A what?!” Chloe shouted.

“So cool!” Trixie cheered.

The dog - the freakin _hellhound_ \- appeared to fight against the invisible force that was stopping it from barking. “A very disobedient hellhound at that.” Lucifer frowned at the _hellhound_ as it growled, still fighting for its freedom.

“Dog!” A voice shouted behind them, it was very familiar.

The hellhound - dog? hellhound?! - appeared to finally break the spell, barking and jipping as it ran towards its owner.

They turned around to find Adam holding the little dog in his arms, a serious expression on his face, Aziraphale and Crowley not far behind. 

“Fancy meeting you here.” The angel said.

Trixie jumped towards Adam. “That’s your dog? that’s your dog? Can I pet him?!!” She said so excited that she was almost jumping in place.

The serious expression on Adam’s face melted. “Of course!” He left his… his animal on the floor.

“What’s his name?” She said as the little dog rolled around, finally enjoying her attention.

“Dog.” Adam said without an ounce of mischief.

“Dog?” Trixie repeated incredule.

“Dog.” Adam said again, not even laughing a little.

“What kind of name is Dog?” Trixie asked, so baffled that she stopped petting Dog altogether.

“Well, it’s a simple one!” Adam said as he stood tall, taking a bag from his pocket. You didn't need to be a detective to know it had Dog’s poop inside.“_Who did this?!_” Adam said in an exaggerated gruff voice as he stood taller, the sun reflecting off the plastic bag he was holding in the air.

“It was Dog!” Trixie said sitting on the grass.

“_Dog? Of course it was a dog!_” Adam said again with that gruff voice, a smile escaping from his lips. “_I know! You’re trying to confuse me! That means the culprit was-’_” He twirled his hand in the air, his index finger constantly moving between Trixie and Dog. “You!” he ends with his normal voice, his finger poking Trixie at the side. She snorts. Adam takes it as a good signal and does it again, assaulting Trixie’s side with a flurry of pokes as Dog jumps on her lap and starts to lick her.

“No no! It wasn’t me!” Trixie can barely say in between laughter as she finally falls backwards on the grass. “It was Dog! The dog with the worst name ever!”

“Hey! Don’t laugh, that name saved all our arses from the Notpocalypse.” Crowley said, his cheerful tone and smile far from that of a respectable demon. 

“How does a name saves you from the end of the world?” Trixie asked, still lying on her back, smiling widely.

“The name gives it power, gives it form.” Lucifer recited.

Trixie looked confused at this, finally sitting up. She had grass on her hair. “How?”

“Well, his name is Dog, so he’s the best dog in the world. He’s intelligent and can go down any rabbit holes. A true pedigree mongrel.” Dog stood proud at that. Chloe couldn’t help but chuckle. “I could have named him something like Slayer and… well, no fun in that. There’s a reason why is the Apoca-woops.” Adam raised his eyebrows in a curious way.

“But it would have looked so cool! With horns and claws and it would have been so big that he would have eaten the horsepersons!” Adam had to laugh at Trixie’s idea.

They kept chatting for a while, but Chloe couldn’t pay much attention as someone else wanted her attention.

“What a surprise to see you here.” Aziraphale said to Chloe, trying to distract her from the fact that her daughter was playing with an eldritch dog.

“I heard good things about the park, and they weren’t lying. It's beautiful.”

“Oh, I know. Crowley and I have been coming here for centuries.” he smiled warmly. Chloe's brain still had problems dealing with the fact that centuries wasn’t an exaggeration.

“Although the ducks....” Chloe turned around to find a flock of grey ducks spying on them. Ok, maybe Lucifer was right, they really looked like criminals.

Crowley looked almost offended. “What? you don’t like ducks?” he glared.

Chloe tried to smile reassuringly. “No no, is just that… they’re… a little weird.”

Crowley looked surprised at her. “Weird? Aren’t all ducks like that?”

Chloe rapidly blinked at him. “Mmm, no? This is the first time I have seen ducks literally scoff at the seeds we gave them.”

Aziraphale humphed, a curious expression on his face. “Why wouldn't they? Ducks eat bread after all, not seeds."

"Oh, well, not that many know but bread is not that good for ducks. Something about bad nutrition?"

Crowley looked at her as if she was stupid.

"You must be misinformed. We have been feeding that duck nothing but bread for 50 years and look how healthy it is." Aziraphale pointed at a huge grey duck that was stalking them from afar.

"50 years? The same duck?!"

"Yup. Hard to confuse that twat. Wouldn’t be surprised if it ends in Hell." Crowley answered, sounding fond even with his harsh words.

They sounded serious, way to serious. Chloe waited for Crowley or Adam or someone to burst into laughter but nothing came. Oh, god, they were _serious_! They had changed the ducks somehow.

“Anyway, do you have any plans after this?” Aziraphale asked.

“Not really. Apart from going out for dinner.” Chloe said. She took a look at her cellphone and found out that it might be a good idea to start planning where.

“Maybe we could… tempt you to dine at the Ritz with us?” Aziraphale said, sending curious looks towards Crowley. The demon snorted.

Chloe blinked. The Ritz, the Ritz, wasn’t that like… a very expensive place or something? “We wouldn’t want to impose.”

“Impose away!” Crowley said.

“We insist, the least we could do after taking your day yesterday.” They would also be taking it if they did go for dinner with them but she wasn't going to point that out.

“It’s free food.” Adam said from far away, surprising Chloe with the fact that he had been following their conversation as he spoke with Trixie.

Chloe looked confused at the trio. She wasn’t expecting them to willingly want to spend more time with Lucifer, someone that just 24 hours ago had terrified them.

“I would have imagined you were the ones that wouldn’t want to see us again after yesterday.” Yeah, at some point they had all been happily drinking and laughing but she was not naive enough to believe that something like this millenia old mess could be so easily fixed.

Crowley and Aziraphale looked at each other, a silent conversation taking place between them.

“Well, even if yesterday might have not started in the best way possible…” Aziraphale started. Crowley glowered at Lucifer. “But if mmm… Lucifer is being honest with us about his wish to stay here on Earth-”

“I’m always honest. I never lie!” Lucifer shouted from the pond. At some point he had stood up and started attacking the duck mafias with the seeds they haven’t wanted to eat.

“Then it stands to reason that in a way we’re in the same side now. The only 3 - 4 if we count Amenadiel - ethereal-”

“And occult!” Crowley interrupted.

“And occult beings willing to stand at humanity's side when Heaven and Hell decide they want their War after all. It’s in everyone’s best interest that we put the effort to get along.” 

“In other words: Let’s get drunk again, it wasn’t that bad last time.” Crowley finished. Aziraphale rolled his eyes with a fond smile as Adam laughed out loud.

“Who said I would stand by humanity’s side when the War comes along?” Lucifer said, walking towards them, a sly smile on his face.

Both Aziraphale and Crowley gulped down, their stances becoming apprehensive. Adam glowered at him.

Lucifer burst with laughter. “Because I am. I don’t know about Amenadiel, but if someone dares to try to destroy the Earth again, they will have to deal with me.” Lucifer patted Crowley in the back a little to hard, startling the demon who laughed a little awkwardly. Aziraphale and Adam relaxed.

“You want to go for dinner with them, then?” Chloe asked Lucifer.

“Yeah you heard the guy: Free food. Come on urchin.” He told Trixie who was still playing with Dog and Adam.

They took the 10 minute walk towards the Ritz, the only chatter around them that of Trixie asking things about Dog. It was… nice. Chloe had never really had a good relationship with her extended family, much less with Dan’s. A little ridiculous that the best experience she had had was with Lucifer’s maybe-brothers that had become traitors after stopping the Apocalypse.

“Do you have a reservati-ooh, sirs, glad to see you again. Table for 6? How _lucky_ of you, someone just cancelled.” the waiter mentioned in a curious tone, smiling brightly at Crowley and Aziraphale. So they came often enough here that the staff knew them? And it sounded like cancellations were a common occurrence when this 2 wished for a table. Lucifer was right, they were cheaters.

Lucifer sent Crowley a pointed look.

“It’s convenient.” Crowley said as he slouched in his chair. Chloe had to accept that it really was. A small part of her wished Lucifer used that kind of power sometimes. The idea of cleaning the kitchen after a hard day at work with just a snap of her fingers was almost pornographic.

“You’re still asking Dad for help. That’s boring.” Lucifer said as he scanned the menu. Chloe took a look at her own… Those were a lot of zeros.

Adam looked at Chloe’s grimace. “Order whatever, don’t worry about the price.” he tried to reassure her. It didn’t help.

“Are you telling me paying for petrol, taxes and doing laundry is fun?” Crowley wasn’t even bothering to look at the menu.

“No. That’s why you pay someone to do that for you.” Lucifer closed his menu as Aziraphale ordered… something. It sounded french.

Chloe ordered something that she hoped was a good sized piece of beef to share with Trixie, along with some water. She was not drinking again with this guys.

“I don’t see how that’s different from just miracling it.” Crowley continued when the waiter had finally disappeared to get their orders.

“I would think you of all people would be more understanding of economics and the idea of keeping the money flowing.” Lucifer gesture as a different waiter appeared with their drinks. An expensive looking wine bottle for the divine and plain water for the humans… maybe, Adam did say he counted as human.

“That implies working to get non-miracle money in the first place.” Crowley continued when the waiter left again, taking a gulp from his drink.

Chloe could hear Adam and Trixie talk about the book Aziraphale had gifted her yesterday but Chloe was a little more interested about what this miracle money was.

“Don’t you 2 have a bookshop?” Chloe asked. From what little she had seen of the place, it specialised in old and rare books, that must bring a pretty good amount of money.

Crowley snorted. “I think it has been 60 years since the angel sold a book!”

“Dear, please.” Aziraphale countered. “it was only 52.” 

Crowley and Adam almost spitted their drinks in laughter.

“Well, I would recommend running a nightclub. The amount of money you can get just from drinking all night it's impressive. Maybe you could open a Lux branch around here. It would lighten the place.” Lucifer proposed in a playful tone.

“No thanks.” Crowley said a little disgusted. “Anyway, where did you get the money to open a nightclub in the first place without miracling it?”

“Hell still has access to all your bank accounts.” Lucifer said as if it was the most obvious thing.

Crowley choked with absolutely nothing. “You’re stealing from me?!”

“It’s not stealing if you gave Hell the account information.” Lucifer smiled smugly. Chloe wasn’t that up to date on the legality of bank account sharing but if Crowley had offered up the info-

“Thing I didn’t do?!” Crowley retaliated. Ok, yeah, Lucifer had stolen from Crowley. “Anyway, half of that must be miracled so you played yourself!” … Or maybe not, because this people could miracle money. How did that even worked?! Did they just made money from thin air?

Lucifer pouted. He would denied it later but Chloe knew a pout when she saw it and that was one.

“Wait, you pay everything with fake money?!” Chloe asked, her inner detective not willing to let that go.

“Yes.”

“No.” Crowley and Aziraphale said at the same time.

They both frowned and looked at each other before trying again.

“No.”

“Yes.” They looked startled at each other.

“What is it, then?” Adam asked, trying to contain his laughter.

“...I don’t know.” Both answered at the same time. Aziraphale let out a sight while Crowley waved his arms in the air in dramatic desperation.

“You don’t know where your money comes from?” Chloe had to ask.

“Well, you see. We usually think we have money and… well, it appears. That's how miracles work.” Aziraphale gave a weak smile.

“I always hope it's stolen from the bank accounts of those rich bastards." Crowley added proudly, almost elbowing the waiter in the crotch as he shifted in his chair.

Aziraphale apologized to the poor waiter as he served everyone their food. He didn’t look surprised at Crowley’s dramatics. Honestly, he almost seemed excited to be serving their table.

They stayed quiet as they ate, enjoying the food and the silence. The steak wasn’t bad at all, maybe even better that some of those expensive places Lucifer almost always found a way to bring her. Now, was it worth the price? She doubt it.

“Such an awful invention money. Are you sure that wasn’t yours, dear?” Aziraphale finally said as he took some vegetables from Crowley’s plate. Chloe would have clapped at the artful deflection - discreet enough to not be noticed but still moving the conversation along - if the angel wasn’t trying to avoid the fact that they had been either destroying the economy or stealing from someone for millenia.

“What? Of course not, money is a Heaven thing anyway.” Crowley said, distractedly stabbing his piece of meat.

“Pardon me? How can it be a Heaven thing? Last I checked Greed was one of the 7 Deadly Sins.” Aziraphale said.

Crowley snorted. “Like you need money to be greedy. Humans were greedy before money even existed.”

“But _dear_ Crowley, he has a point.” Said Lucifer, startling Crowley for a second. The Devil took his fork and stole food directly from the serpent’s plate, just like Aziraphale had done before.

Crowley glared at Lucifer, moving his plate away from his boss. “Look. The basic idea of money is to help people. Before if you wanted food but the farmer didn’t want your pelts, tough time, you die. Money gets rid of that problem altogether.” 

“Yes, but then the problem stopped being that people didn’t want to trade for your specific goods and it became getting money in the first place. Humanity has given too much power to money and now it’s taking over society.” Aziraphale said, glaring at Lucifer as he took yet another bite from Crowley’s plate, his body language possessive.

“It’s not fair!” Trixie said, surprising everyone. “Everything should be free!” She stabbed her own piece of meat and ate it. Chloe scolded her and reminded herself of having a talk with Maze about manners - it was a lost battle but damn, she was going to try.

Crowley laughed out loud. “I like you, kiddo! All aboard the socialism train!”

“Really, love? I wouldn’t have thought you would like socialism that much. You know, with the whole anarchy thing.” Aziraphale said.

“Hey! who said I’m an anarchist?” Crowley retaliated.

“Well, one would think it is part of the job description. Not to forget that you’re a chaotic soul after all.” Aziraphale sent his husband a sly look.

“I do like anarchism.” Lucifer purred with his deep sexy voice. Chloe kicked him lightly under the table.

Aziraphale couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

Crowley snorted. “Well I don’t and it’s far from the job description to like it. All the contrary. Those bastards Downstairs believe to be chaotic and stuff but in reality they are just law loving arseholes!” 

“I don’t know what’s their obsession with paperwork.” Lucifer almost growled. “You don’t see the lilim this obsessed with it. What’s wrong with the Fallen?!” … Paperwork? the word echoed in Chloe’s head. Why did their talks of Heaven and Hell always came back to paperwork?

“I have no idea!” Crowley said, sharing Lucifer's anguish. “I do like chaos but if everything is chaotic all the time, where’s the fun in that? If we are going to have laws and stuff, at least they could come with equality and free shit for everyone.”

“Language!” Chloe said. It was getting out of control.

“Aww, don’t worry mommy, I already know all those words.” Chloe looked horrified at her daughter who was just happily swinging her legs as she took another bite.

“Well, yes. Free stuff - as you put it - sounds fantastic. It's something that humanity should strife for. The problem, I find, it's that they have such a hard time reaching its full potential, to the point that communism has turned into a dirty word in certain… places.” Aziraphale sent the americans the less discreet look ever seen on Earth.

“Well, that’s what you get when most of humanity is just plain Evil.” Lucifer said. The realization of how much Chloe believed the same left an awful aftertaste in her mouth.

Aziraphale frowned. “You really do believe that? I have to disagree. In the 6000 years that I have lived along humanity I have found the contrary true: far more people are good than bad. The problem is that it's so much easier to focus on the bad and forget all the good that's out there.”

“Oh, really? If humanity is really intrinsically good how then do you explain the hate? The corruption? The constant wars? And let’s be honest, most people are either racist or homophobes or a friend of theirs. Are you saying that this is how a good humanity acts?”

Aziraphale looked disheartened at that but Crowley only frowned, a burning passion behind his glasses. “Wouldn’t that mean that human society is the intrinsically evil one?” Aziraphale looked surprised at Crowley. “No human is born with hate. Kids are curious and energetic and honest, it's the adults that take that away. They drill into them the fear of the unknown. Humans _are_ good, it's this bloody society that takes that away from them.”

“And I thought you weren’t an anarchist.” Lucifer laughed.

“Isn’t it a little too early for existential crisis?” Chloe asked, trying to lighten the mood a little.

Adam laughed back. “Nah. Uncle Az and C are always like this. You get used to it.”

“To the constant existencial dread?”

Adam laughed again. “I hope not! I have know them for 30 years and I would like to believe that there’s not even an ounce of existential dread left here.” he said, leaving a hand above his heart.

Chloe rolled her eyes. She was starting to think that the dramatics were genetic.

Thankfully there was calm again, no more existential crisis. Only Chloe and her steak. 

Sadly the same couldn’t be said about dessert.

“So, Crowley.” The serpent raised his face, looking at Lucifer as he poured himself a glass of champagne they had ordered. “You mentioned something about not having anything to do with the invention of money, no?” The Devil almost purred, staring at Crowley with his piercing eyes. “I swear to have read a report that you, _dear Crowley_, had invented money as a vehicle of human greed.”

Crowley gulped, sweating in panic. “I… I might have... lied about that.” he said under his breath, followed by a nervous laugh.

Lucifer frowned. “You what?”

“Yeah." Crowley laughed awkwardly. "I might have… taken some credit from the humans. You see, they are already pretty good tempting themselves so-”

“You lied?” Lucifer said, his voice cold as winter. Crowley gulped yet again, trying to be as far away as possible from Lucifer without falling from his chair. “What about World War II? The Spanish Inquisition? The Black Plague?”

With each historical event Crowley looked more pained, more disgusted. “How could I come up with something like that? I might have put my name in there but what else was I supposed to say?! I could never come up with something so… so horrible. It's not temptation if you torture and murder everyone for something stupid like their religion! And yet the office always sent memos _’Oh, did you do this? Did you do that?’_ No no no, why would I?! It's not like just by not being human you are free of the horrors. You still have to run away from the inquisitors. You still have to move the bodies out of the road!” Aziraphale had taken Crowley’s hand on his own and had started to stroke it reasurengly. The demon was looking defiant at Lucifer, even if fear still fueled him.

It always surprised Chloe how easily it was to forget how old they all were. They had lived through all of human history, living through every single horror that Chloe had learnt in school - and even more that no one had been left to remember. They had lived floods and wars and disasters. They had seen countless die - maybe people they had been close to - without option to just stop, to just rest after seeing so much suffering.

“So everything was a lie?” Lucifer said calmer than before. The rage had been changed for an unreadable expression.

“No. Not everything. I did invent selfies and social media and the M25.” What the hell is the M25? “I like temptation and ruining people's day in general, but the most horrific things? That’s all the humans. Like I said before: human society doesn’t really need help to do horrific things.”

And that was no surprise to Chloe, she had lived it first hand. 

“You had all us fooled, didn’t you?” Lucifer said cheerfully but something didn’t felt right to Chloe, it sounded a little _too_ happy, fake even. “And to think we gave you the Antichrist because of your good - well, bad job on Earth.” Lucifer laughed and patted Crowley in the back, as if they had been friends for years.

Crowley relaxed a little but his gaze never left Lucifer.

“Well, better that way.” Lucifer said before drowning his glass. For a second Chloe thought that she had heard something like ‘_not strong enough’_. “Less end of the world for everyone.”

“Wait, there’s something I’m not getting.” Chloe started. “I thought you only punished the damned? Not… spread evil through the world?”

“**I** only punish those that believe they deserve punishment. On the other hand, the rest of demonkind focuses too much on the whole temptation of humankind. At this point Hell’s mission statement has become something in the vein of _’Thwart Heaven and spread Evil through the World!’_ and no one bothered to change it when I gave my input.” he sighted, the millenia old exasperation almost palpable. “Never cared much for that. I gave up some millenia ago and left all that to Beelzebub and Belial, for some reason they are too into the whole bureaucracy part of the job.”

Chloe left out an anxious chuckle. “Should I be finding funny that you refer to Hell as if it was just another normal company?”

None of the immortals laughed back. “Well… it's because that’s what Heaven and Hell are.” Aziraphale said.

“Yeah, both are horrible bureaucratic torture. The only different is that Heaven doesn’t smell of Beelzebub’s shit. What it does have is a bunch of pricks.” Crowley added.

Aziraphale looked to the side. “Complete pricks.” he repeated with a frown, not even an ounce of shame in his voice.

“Exactly! The best part about Falling was not having to deal with Gabriel since then.” Lucifer said cheerfully. Crowley and Aziraphale made a pained expression at the name.

“Since then?! We had to deal with the wanker recently.” Crowley said. 

"Just after the Apocalypse that Couldn’t." Aziraphale said. Recently?! Wasn't that 30 years ago?!

Trixie laughed. “That sounds like a book!”

Adam laughed with her. “Well, if it was a book it would be 5% about the actual End of the World, 35% about me and my friends being 11 year olds and 60% about uncle Az and C getting drunk and failing to be useful”

“Hey! More respect! Without us the Earth would not be here anymore.” Crowley sent Adam a look, almost offended.

“Oh, good point, let’s not forgot you were the ones that got me lost and also the ones that held hands as Sat-” Adam stopped, his gaze falling in Lucifer for a second. “And held hands as we were all about to die.”

Chloe sent Lucifer a disapproving look. He didn't even bothered to feel ashamed of himself.

Aziraphale went completely red but Crowley was ready to fight. “Hey! The mixup was all the nuns fault!”

“Nuns? Did some nuns tried to steal you as a baby?" Trixie said to Adam, a little too excited.

Adam laughed again. "Nah. It would have been cooler but they only had to trade me for the son of the american attached so I could grow as an entitled prick… and then they got that wrong!"

"Some nuns helped you out with the End of the World?" Chloe asked.

“They were satanic nuns, the chattering order of who cares." Crowley rolled his eyes as he changed his position in the chair to something more back-pain inducing. “Uug, horrible, I hate that kind of people, they give me the creeps. _'Lord Crowley! Oh great Beast!'_” He mocked in a high pitched voice.

“Exactly! Cool that they like Free Will and sticking it up to Dad. Not cool that they keep doing things in my name without asking." Lucifer said in indignation.

“At least they don’t summon you! Nothing ruins a dinner date like being summoned to the other side of the world.”

“At least it gives us an excuse to go out. Honestly, that last time in Guadalajara was lovely… after the scare, of course." Aziraphale send a sweet smile towards Crowley.

"Was that the time that Uncle Az broke down the door with a sword in hand?" Adam asked.

Aziraphale looked mortified. Crowley only shuckled. "Nah, that was in Jiangsu. Guadalajara was when that lesbian couple was asking for help.”

"How often do people summon you?!" Chloe had to ask.

"Sometimes it can be 6 or 7 times a year if a popular movie with demons had come out, other times not even once in a decade. Summoning the Serpent of Eden and the demon that has been living on Earth the longest is apparently popular around that kind of crowd." Crowley grimaced.

“That has always confused me. Who watches the Exorcist and says _‘Yeah, I’m going to summon a demon!’_” Adam asked, thoughtful. And honestly, it was a good question.

“Beats me, weirdos that’s for sure.” Crowley pointed out.

“Why would you be the most summoned demon? You’re already on Earth, no?” Trixie asked, truly curious. That was a good question. It must be like phoning someone in the same room, no?

Crowley looked surprised at the question.

“Well.” Aziraphale started. “I would imagine that it has to do with the fact that most other demon summonings must end with the passing of the summoner. Not every demon is as nice as my Crowley.” Aziraphale said, caressing his husband’s hand.

“Stop saying I’m nice! I’m a demon, I’m not nice.” Crowley said, a blush spreading through his face.

“Yeah, _of course, dearest._” Aziraphale ended dramatically and with a sly smile on his face.

“Anyway, that’s a good point. If someone summons a normal demon they just die, but if they summon Uncle C then they’ll tell their friends. And that’s how a bunch of drunk college students find themselves a friday night-”

“Ssstop, you menassse!” Crowley sent Adam a pointed look.

“Awww, come on! It was hilarious.” Adam retorted.

“No, it wasssn’t.” Crowley insisted.

“Mmmm…” Aziraphale hummed. “Honestly, love… It was pretty funny.” he ended, looking to the side mischievously.

Crowley gasped dramatically. “Angel, you traitor!” Aziraphale only answer was a chuckle.

"It's anyone going to tell us what happened? You can't leave us hanging like this." Lucifer pointed excitedly, he was only missing some popcorn to complete the look.

“So, let me set the stage. It was late one friday night and we were drinking in the backroom after coming back from dinner. There was uncle C, rambling about goose or something when I heard a ‘pop’ sound coming from the now empty space. I turn very confused towards uncle Az expecting something like _’oh, don’t worry dear, Crowley just went out for more scones’_” Chloe had to say that was a pretty spot on imitation of Aziraphale. “But no, he looked furious! Full on smite mode, the fury of a thousand suns behind his eyes as he also disappears into the ether!” At that comment, Aziraphale looked ashamed to the side. “So I stood confused and drunk for 20 minutes when they finally pop back into the backroom. Turns out some college students had taken ‘sell your soul to the devil to pass calculus’ too seriously - honestly, I might have done the same but being the antichrist makes that a little awkward to say the least. Anyway, that would have been pretty funny on it’s own but then after we had all sat down to keep drinking as if nothing had happened…” Adam stops for dramatic effect, a wide grin escaping from his lips. “Uncle C disappears _yet again_. The drunk teenagers had redrawn the summoning circle because they had a burning question inside of them…” he took a deep breath, trying to control his laughter before continuing. “They _really_ wanted to know if the lovely demon and the scary angel were shagging!” By the end of his story, Adam could barely contain his laughter. Lucifer didn’t even bother to hide it.

Crowley might combust any second now - Chloe didn’t know if in rage or embarrassment… And maybe he would. There was no proof that he couldn’t do it, at least.

Finally, after a good minute of laughter, Lucifer finally regained some form of control. “Some humans are so blind to the obvious!”

“I wouldn’t call it obvious. You know humans, so obsessed over the pleasures of the flesh.” Aziraphale said.

Lucifer looked almost horrified. “What?! You aren't?!”

Crowley frowned. “No?” He said as if he wasn’t talking to Lucifer fucking Morningstar.

“You’re married.” Lucifer pointed out with an eyebrow raised to an almost cartoonish extreme.

Aziraphale looked offended. “Doesn’t mean we have… consumated it.”

Lucifer gasped, almost hurt. Knowing him, he might actually be. “And you call yourselves brothers of mine?!” Chloe almost laughed at that.

“No. We don't.” Aziraphale said forcefully, immediately killing the atmosphere. “I implore you to stop with this charade. Stop giving people the wrong impression. We’re _not_ brothers.” the angel glared at Lucifer with every ounce of celestial fury he held. Crowley looked wide eyed at his husband, mouth ajar. Chloe is too caught in the chill running through her spine to know if she’s doing the same.

Lucifer is not scared, all the contrary. He raises to the challenge with a glare of his own. It's ancient and terrifying and even when it's not directed at Chloe it still knocks what air is left in her lungs. “Why so insistent?! Are you really that ashamed of being related to the Devil?! It wasn’t enough to Fall, was it?!” he snarls, red in his eyes. “You think we’re different? Because let me tell you: no matter how much you insist of the contrary we’re all the same! Every single one of us: Father’s forgotten and broken toys!"

But even with Lucifer's hellfire glare directed at him, Aziraphale just stood in place, a confused look on his face.“... You _do_ believe we’re brothers.” he said almost breathless, as if the pieces of a puzzle were falling into place.

Lucifer’s glare rapidly turned into a dumbfounded expression, the Devil almost visibly deflating.“Yes? It's in the word?” He said slowly, as if talking with a little child instead of a millenia old being that owned half of the books ever written.

Crowley’s fear turned into total confusion but Aziraphale finally appeared to find his answer. “You mean - “

Chloe waited for him to continue. There was only silence.

And yet he kept talking.

Through the whole night the rest of the restaurant had miraculously ignored the going ons of their table. No shout or laugh was loud enough to be notice by the other guests. 

Not this time.

Almost everyone around them stopped, looking around in confusion, some waving around their hands as if trying to scare a fly.

It wasn’t a sound or a sign or anything human at all. It was a feeling. It was so strong: flowing through Chloe's body and making her almost vibrate in the emotion. It felt like home and security and familiarity and knowledge that you weren’t alone.

“What was that?!” Trixie said breathless. The rest of the patrons almost immediately deciding it had been their imagination.

“Enochian or something stupid like that you call it.” Crowley said, it only confused Trixie - and Chloe - more.

“The language of the angels.” Aziraphale explained. He was starting to become Chloe’s favorite, he was actually helpful.

Trixie turned her head to the side in confusion.”But you didn’t say words or did the hand thingy, it only felt weird.”

“For you. Not for us.” Crowley said. “Honestly, this speaking thing is really weird if you ask me. So easy for people to get the wrong idea.” 

“Really?! Then what did that inocwhatever meant?” Trixie said curious.

“Brother.”

“Associate.”

“Angel.” Lucifer, Aziraphale, and Crowley answered over each other.

Lucifer looked offended at the other 2 but Aziraphale only had eyes for Crowley.

“Angel?” Aziraphale asks breathless and with so much love in his eyes.

“Well…” Crowley didn’t bother to finish, his gaze evading everyone as he started to blush.

“I mean that to you?” Aziraphale said.

“We’re kinda married...” Crowley mumbled.

“But you have been calling me that for millennia.” Aziraphale whispered.

Crowley pressed his lips, face burning brighter.

“Lovely, whatever. Can we get back to the important part? You’re wrong! It obviously means brother, no-” Lucifer gestured dramatically at the 2 of them. “-whatever you think it means.”

Aziraphale frowned. “Oh, so we’re the wrong ones here? Brother seems to me a little too... _cordial_.”

“Too cordial?! Are you telling me that you live, learn and play with _associates_?!” Lucifer asked, summoning in Chloe’s head the image of a tiny Lucifer and Amenadiel flying around a sea of clouds. It would have been adorable.

“Do you think nothing changed after the War? That everyone kept flying around as if half of Heaven hadn’t just disappeared?” Aziraphale's voice was coated with an ancient grief.

The Fall. Always the Fall.

They couldn’t escape it, could they? Not even in Heaven.

Sometimes Lucifer made it sound like he had just been kicked out after speaking out to his father but no, nothing like that. It had been an actual rebellion, an all out war, one fought between siblings. It had not only destroyed the lives of those that had lost but also the victors, to the point that they had lost that familiar bond. They had fought against people they loved and by the end of it half of Heaven had just disappeared? That must have been terrifying. Had they just stopped reaching for each other? 

“They were scared...” Chloe couldn’t stop herself from sharing her theory.

Aziraphale opened his mouth to answer but thought better of it.

“Oh, totally. It sounds just like those feathered fops to believe we Fell because we were being friendly with each other.” Crowley chirped in, scowling at a distant memory. Chloe’s whole body stiffened. They were scared of that? Not of losing more loved ones to the unknown?

Aziraphale pressed his lips, frowning as he looked away. “You might be right. After the War no one knew what had happened… What would happen. There was no one to guide the Heavenly Host after that. It's not surprising that the Archangels came to fear everything that the Fallen had done, including closeness.”

Chloe raised an eyebrow, confused. “No one to guide Heaven? What about… Eh… well… God.” she almost whispered as if it was a bad word, something that shouldn’t be said. Maybe it was. It was no secret how much Lucifer disliked his father, and from what she could tell Crowley's view of Him wasn't much better. On the other hand, Aziraphale still appeared to hold great respect for Him. Honestly, talking about the guy was just asking for the worse.

Lucifer snorted. "As if that douche had ever bothered to guide anyone." Aziraphale sent a piercing glare his way. "He barely spoke with us. Mum was the only one constantly there, making sure everything was as She wanted, but Dad? Not a word until he casted us out." Lucifer laughed darkly, making a chill run through Chloe's spine.

Aziraphale’s face turned into something complicated that Chloe couldn’t read. "She did not." He pointed out, startling Lucifer. "Not once during the War did She spoke to us. Not to start it and much less to end it."

Lucifer frowned back. "Well, how do you know He didn't? Oh, don’t tell me! You were important enough to hear Him directly, right?" he challenged, smirking widely. “All this time thinking you were a nobody but it turns out you’re important enough to have heard His voice!” he mocked.

Aziraphale pressed his lips, a hurt expression on his face. Chloe could barely hear a hissing sound coming from Crowley, his posture resembling the way Lucifer and Amenadiel would sometimes stand without noticing. A protective gesture surely involving wings.

Lucifer huffed in amusement. "Why do you keep protecting the arsehole?” he said to Aziraphale, completely ignoring Crowley. “You're not even part of the Heavenly Host anymore, no reason to keep the charade. He didn’t even bother to say it out loud for all us to hear. The order just for Michael’s precious ears. To burn for the rest of eternity because we weren't what He expected!" the Devil ended. Hellfire in his eyes, sitting in his chair like the King of Hell he had once been and that he would be once again at the end of Chloe's life. He looked down at the angel at the other side of the table.

Crowley gulped down, the pain in his expression visible even behind his shades.

Aziraphale was looking downwards, squeezing Crowley’s hand, grounding him."But were _you_ there? How do you know it wasn't just Michael's decision?"

Lucifer snickered after the fact. "Oh, yeah, Michael is a complete wanker but knowing how to make half of Heaven plunge into a bath of sulphur is very far from her mental capabilities. Stop reaching. Why do you keep protecting your beloved Almighty? You don’t owe Him anything. Even if you didn't Fall, He still cast you out, just like us."

"That's exactly why.” Aziraphale fought back. “She didn't cast me out. It’s been 30 years since Heaven has contacted me but not once have I lost my Grace. She had the opportunity multiple times: When I chose Crowley over anyone else, when we stopped the Great Plan and even before that, when we decided 11 years prior that we didn't want it to happen. Or what when I came to an arrangement with a demon? Or worse of all: when I lied to Her? Why have I not Fallen? If the Almighty is just as you picture Her, why would we be still here? Free from Heaven and Hell?”

"You lied to Father?!" Lucifer said, wided eyed, an instinctual fear taking over him.

Aziraphale took a deep breath, evading everyone's gazes. "In the Garden. I was asked by Her directly - not by Gabriel nor the Metatron - by Her directly what had I done with the Sword of Eden."

"He did what?! And you lied?!"

"Better for me to be punished for my lies than the humans for having the Sword."

Lucifer laughed, almost at the border of mania. "And look how well that went! You gifted humanity with War."

"As if we haven’t invented the bloody thing in the first place!” Crowley hissed protectively. “He gifted them with Protection, not bloody War. That was all the humans.”

Lucifer snorted. "Oh, of course, whatever you say.” he mocked Crowley. “So let’s say you’re right, that He wasn’t the one to make us Fall. Please enlighten us _dear_ brother: Why?” he said softly and yet it echoed around the place. A question charged with an eternity of pain. A question that fills Aziraphale with fear and apprehension. “Is it because He never cared? Oh, wait, no. How could I forget! Everything is part of the _Ineffable Plan_!" he mocked, making Aziraphale flinch. "Crowley didn't give the humans Free Will, you didn't give them War or Protection or whatever you want to believe, you didn't stop the Apocalypse nor turned your back to Heaven. And more than anything: you didn't choose Crowley nor he choose you. Lovely meaningless life you got ther-”

“Sssshut up!” Crowley hissed, his serpentine tonge flickering in anger. Someone near their table looked to the side, confused.

“I will when he answers me!” Lucifer declared. “Why defend Him? We’re either His discarded toys or His willess actors, playing a role we never asked for.” Under the rage and pain Chloe could hear the sadness, the fear that Lucifer was just that. She extended her hand and squeezed his, hoping to calm him down. Lucifer looked surprised for a moment before he started to calm down, sadly it haven’t completely extinguish the fire in his eyes.

Aziraphale’s lip trembled, not daring to rise his face.

“Good to know we’re finally on the same page.” Lucifer let the conversation die, smiling at his victory.

But Aziraphale was not ready for defeat.

“It makes no sense.” Aziraphale whispered, his gaze still evading everyone in the table. “I know you can’t feel it but please believe me when I say that the World is loved. Not just by the humans or us but by Her.” Chloe raised an eyebrow in confusion. 

“Are you an idiot or did no one bother to give you the memo? Dad loves humanity more than He ever loved any of us.” Lucifer’s voice was full of venom, of a pain still raw even after all this time.

Aziraphale looked at Lucifer, the emotion raw on his face, so full of sadness. “But you’re also loved. By your companions and by your human friends waiting for you back in Los Angeles; by the demons Down Below and even still by some of the Heavenly Host. But most of all, much older than any of those… You’re loved by Her. How can we be this toys or will-less actors you talk about when She loves us so mu-”

“SHUT UP!” Lucifer roared with fury and anger, sending his chair flying backwards as he violently stood up. His flesh burned with the intensity of the hellfire in his eyes, turning it into his nightmarish face, the snare making the unnatural folds of the charred skin more pronounced.

Trixie gasped in surprise, incapable of taking her sight away from the Devil.

Every single person around them turned around. It takes a heartbeat for them to decipher the being standing before their eyes. They shout and cry and run, trying to be as far away from the nightmarish sight.

“Lucifer! Stop!” Chloe looked at him with pleading eyes, grabbing his forearm. He growls at the contact, turning his head towards her.

He looks horrified when his terrifying eyes find Chloe. His features rapidly turned back to normal, everything except his eyes that kept burning red - she didn’t know if in millenia of fury and rage or in a pain buried long long ago.

“Oh shit!” Crowley swore as he turned to look at the rest of the restaurant. Those that had not ran away were glued to their seats, looking at them with pure horror and screams stuck in their throats.

Crowley swore again as he snapped his fingers, the strength of his magic so powerful that Chloe almost felt it pass through her as the memory of the other guest was cleared of the demonic sight.

Lucifer turned his face towards him, his position not allowing Chloe to know what was passing through his face.

“What?” Crowley asked, his brow furrowed. “You want me to let them go back home as if they haven’t seen that?”

Lucifer didn’t answer.

“Lucifer.” Chloe whispered, bringing her hand near his forearm but not touching.

He turned around and stares. Not at her nor at Adam but at the still shocked Trixie. She knew what Lucifer was, she had never really doubt it and much less feared him, when the time came to explain to her what Lucifer was, she just pointed out how cool that was. She had thought that Maze’s half decayed face was something awesome - unlike Chloe who still felt ashamed of her reaction the first time her friend had shown her face to her - but this was different. Lucifer’s burning flesh was intrinsically unsettling for all humans, adding to it the rage and pain and hate so much older than the Earth itself? 

Chloe squeezed her little girl into a half embrace to comfort her. Trixie didn’t react, she just kept staring at Lucifer.

Lucifer looked back at her, blank faced. "Lucifer?" Chloe repeated softly.

The spell appeared to break. He sneered, a low growl in his throat as he turned around, walking out of the restaurant and almost crashing against a poor waiter who barely evaded him on the last second.

Chloe felt a lump in her throat, a strong need to follow after Lucifer taking over her. She stopped herself, remembering every time he had pushed her away when she hasn't given him space to accept what he was feeling. The only thing she could do was strengthen her grip around Trixie's shoulder, her little monkey only following Lucifer with her sight.

"I'm sorry." Aziraphale whispered, looking downcast.

Chloe had to hold herself back from barking back that he should.

But what else could she say? She couldn't say _it's ok_, because it wasn't. Lucifer had been kicked out from Heaven, from his home and family. He had been vilified by every single living creature on existence from rebelling against his awful father. How could Aziraphale dare to say the being that had done that to Lucifer loved him?

"Felt… loved?" Chloe rasped out the question, hoping asking would calm her down.

Aziraphale stayed quiet. It might have been minutes before he decided to answer her. "Angels can feel love. We're made of it after all."

Chloe blinked incredulous. "And you feel God's love?"

"Yes. It’s so easy to forget sometimes when it’s always there. So strong and overpowering that you have to learn to tune it out, let it become part of Earth's static before it consumes you, making you completely forget who you had been once." Aziraphale caressed Crowley's hand, a hidden meaning behind his words, so easy to guess with the shining love in the angel's eyes towards his red faced partner.

And that made everything even worse. God loved Lucifer and yet He had casted him out. He had broken Lucifer even when He loved him. God was yet another disgusting parent that had destroyed his family even when He claimed to love them.

God had abandoned his children. How could a parent do that? How could you abandon someone that you loved so much? It was so hard sometimes to be there, trying to make a living and still be there for your kid but she tried. Had God not tried at all? All the power in the universe and He couldn’t even bother to be there for them? 

She wanted to shout, to punch Him in the face and protect every single angel that He had broken… and yet there it was; her intuition that had served her for so long wasn't happy with the answer that God had just not bothered.

God loved his children, apparently so much that it could destroy the sense of self of an angel just by thinking about it and yet He had barely talked to them? Had let them fight in a horrible war and left them to burn? This was what Aziraphale had tried to say. It truly made no sense.

"Why was there even a war in Heaven?" Chloe surprise even herself with the question. Crowley and Aziraphale looked wide eyed at her, their breaths stuck in their throats. "Oh, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"Free Will." Crowley interrupted.

"Uh?" Chloe said surprised.

"You know. Freedom, choice. To be something apart from a boring vanilla angel." Crowley started, downcast. "A little stupid if you ask me. You need Free Will to rebel in the first place. We already had it but we were too stupid to notice it." he ended with a self deprecating chuckle.

Chloe almost forgot to breath. "You… didn't know?"

"A little hard when the only thing to do is follow Their orders." Crowley said, lost in long gone days.

"I thought God didn't speak that much too you? Even before… you know." Chloe said.

"They didn't at all, it was-shit" Crowley took a deep breath and let out an exasperated sigh. "Ug, someone." he let himself sink trough his chair, not even his glasses hiding the annoyance in his face. "Stupid english. You know that there's 2 eeh…" he made a circular motion with his hand.

"2… gods? you mean?" Crowley nodded. "Oh, yeah, your… well… Mom and Dad, right?"

Aziraphale did a horrified sound with the back of his throat. Crowley only laughed anxiously.

"Oh, of course the Boss would call Them Mum." Crowley said in between laughter when he started to calm down a little.

"Wait. Why have I never been informed that there were 2 gods?!" Adam said.

"Because is freaking hard to explain." Crowley said. "I don't even know what happened. One day They just fell down face first in Hell, powerless. Do you know what even happened, Angel?"

"Er… well… I know as much as you, dear. One day They disappeared and… well, the Almighty was never the most talkative." Aziraphale said.

"Wait. Your mother appeared in Hell one day and no one told you why?" Chloe said.

"Is stressing me that you're calling Them that. I feel They are going to appear from that void you talked about just to smite us." Crowley said.

Chloe raised a confused eyebrow. Crowley sighted.

"Ok, everyone stop right there. What are you 3 even talking about? I've never heard about this before!" Adam said, leaving his spoon on the table with a clang.

"Never? But Adam, we talked about Them yesterday and you appeared to follow the conversation just fine." Aziraphale pointed out.

"I thought you were talking about Her! Not a completely different person!"

"Oh, come on angel, the kid looked even more lost than Newt in a occult shop." Crowley said.

"Hey! No one told me there was another Creator and the alcohol wasn't helping." Adam fought back with a smile.

"You're a disgrace!" Crowley laughed. "Our own godson can't hold his drink!"

"Sorry for not having 6000 years of alcohol tolerance behind me." Adam said back.

Chloe looked at them, the banter helping her relax, even with Lucifer's furious expression still lingering behind her eyes.

"Enough bullying your poor godson. What if you start again? Preferably everything because I would like to learn before dying that this is actually a simulation or something.” Adam said. Crowley barked back a laugh. 

"Oh, no dear, nothing like that." Aziraphale answered.

"At this point I wouldn't be surprised." Crowley said. Aziraphale elbowed him.

"Well, at the start of everything there were 2 Creators. The one you know well, God, the Almighty, the Lord." Aziraphale said.

"The one Lucifer calls Dad." Chloe said.

Aziraphale grimaced. "Yes." He mumbled. "We usually refer to Her as… well, She. Then there's… the _other one_. They were the one that spoke to use in the early days of Heaven, the one that asked us to sing or to form the cosmos with Their powers." His eyes were distant, trying to remember memories long ago buried.

Wait, what?! All this time Aziraphale had been talking about God?! Why make things so hard? And use what for the cosmos?! 

"They were also prone to mention… well, you could say that They were prone to vent about the Fights with us. The Almighty had been working? Well..." Aziraphale didn't finish, fidgeting with his hands as he tried to remember.

"Free Will and humanity and that stuff. Apparently the Almighty was really excited about the whole project but They didn't like it at all, so both of them were always fighting over it." Crowley finished, a distant look on his face.

Chloe's eyes went wide. Wait, what? 

"After the Fall the fights became worse. It was… it was awful." Aziraphale closed his eyes. "Almost as awful as the War itself. We couldn't do anything… we didn't want to do anything, they are the Creators, we were nothing next to them. By the end of everything… They were gone, only the Almighty was left and She wouldn't explain to us what had happened."

"Seriously, why is this the first time I hear about this?" Adam asked.

"Another of Heaven's unspoken laws: one does not speak of the Fallen." Aziraphale pursed his lips, his tone full of disdain.

Crowley huffed amused. "Neither does Hell. Very into denial those guys.” Aziraphale sent a knowing look at Crowley. The demon rolled his eyes. “I’m pretty sure everyone but the Boss forgot their original names anyway.”

“I’m sorry.” Aziraphale said downcast.

"Doesn’t matter.” Crowley just snorts. ”Anyway, They came tumbling down just after the Boss had gotten everyone under his rule and he was still pissed at both of them so… well, guess why They had been trapped in Hell since then." Crowley said.

"You imprisoned your own mother?" Chloe asked. She knew they had but never understood why.

"Seriously stop with that." Crowley passed a hand through his hair. "Look, I have no idea why they did that but everyone was pissed at Them, I was pissed at Them. Hell, _They_ were pissed. They didn’t even fight when the Boss locked Them up.”

Chloe gulped down, unable to stop herself to think about Charlotte. Both of them. 

She remembers clear as day the Charlotte that had tried to be better, who had been grieved by many and was still remembered years later. But there was someone else. A ruthless woman that knew what she wanted and would not take anything less than that. Only years later would she finally ask Lucifer what had really happened at the pier. Just as he had done yesterday he had told her about what had occurred in those months; and just like he had done yesterday not once had he mentioned how he felt. There was so many things Chloe had wanted to ask for so long, yet the fear of hurting Lucifer was always too great.

“Wait a second. Are you telling me that all this time there has been a second Creator who has been trapped in Hell for millenia?” Adam asked, looking dumbfounded at his uncles. “And no one bothered to tell me?”

“Sorry.” Aziraphale said, not as apologetic as he could have been.

“Look, is not like we talked about _that_ between us. Most of the time this whole mess doesn’t even exist to us. And you wanted us to just come one day and be like _‘Guess what, menace!’_?” Crowley fought back.

Adam huffed amused. “Well, I would expect my dear _uncles_ would be nice enough to fill me in the family drama!”

Crowley snorted. “Now you too!” He said between fond and exasperated. “Look, learn a real language and then ask again because english can't deal with this trainwreck.”

“Dear, don’t be like that. Human languages are so charming.”

“If your definition of charming is miscommunication.”

Adam snorted. “But uncle C, you LOVE puns, can you make puns in enochian?” he said with a sly smile.

“Puns are just another form of torture, very demonic.” he defended himself.

Adam laughed louder. “Oh totally, specially yours, they are worse than my dad’s!”

Crowley growled but Aziraphale only laughed. Crowley looked to the side, wounded at Aziraphale’s giggles. “Angel, how can you?!” he said dramatically. It only mad Aziraphale laugh louder.

“Anyway, why is it so hard in english?” Adam continued.

“Well, for once we don’t have to play the pronoun game.”

“Awful game.” Aziraphale added.

“Um, so they actually have a name in enochian?”

“Of course dear. Although I would say a title would fit the description much better.”

“Well, enochian is mostly feelings, no? Couldn't you just say it out loud, like before?”

Aziraphale pressed his lips. “A more correct description would be transmitting ideas.”

“Yeah, most humans just feel their heads buzz like crazy but you’re not like most humans.” Crowley explained to Adam.

Chloe’s eyebrows raised in the air. She had not felt any kind of buzzing, just feelings. She really wasn't just another human being. It had been years since Lucifer had told her and she wasn't sure how to feel about it.

“You might have gathered some of the meaning before but that was a simple word, a simple idea. The idea of the Creators is far from simple, it's even overwhelming for us, I don’t want to imagine what it might do to a mortal.”

“Aww. What a let down.” Adam pouted. “Can’t you tell me at least what you feel?” the man looked at his uncles with a pleading look.

Aziraphale and Crowley looked conflicted at each other.

“Please?” Adam turned the charm higher. It left Chloe breathless. It reminded her so much of Lucifer, for a moment Adam’s big blue eyes looking just like Lucifer’s when he asked what you desired.

Aziraphale let out a sight and Adam smiled triumphantly.

“Where to start?” Aziraphale took a deep breath. “The Almighty is… Love. She’s Power and Truth but more than anything else She's Energy and Love.”

Chloe frowned.

“Eeh, I dunno, angel. Like yeah, They are Love and Energy and all of that.” Chloe wasn’t expecting Crowley to agree with Aziraphale in the love point. Had he not been hurt by God as well? “But honestly? They feel like Chaos.”

Aziraphale looked confused at Crowley. The angel’s whole body language a mixture of horror and surprise.

“Hear me out. So… the one Down there was also Power and Love, no?”

Aziraphale slowly nodded.

“But They were also those stupid singing practices and cleaning up Heaven and going out into the cosmos to make stars.” One of this things was not like the other. Chloe felt almost offended that neither Amenadiel nor Lucifer had mentioned _that_. “And They were also rules and perfection and things being as _’they should be’_” He added the last part with air quoted.

That fit pretty well with the first time she had meet Charlotta. Even in the small amount she had passed with that version of her, it was pretty obvious how much of a control freak she could be.

Aziraphale looked to the side, pensive. “That sounds right.” he sounded conflicted, far from comfortable talking about the parent that had been casted out. How did he felt about that?

“So that’s Order.” Chloe could almost feel the capital letter. “And then there's the Almighty. They are apple trees and surprises, the unknown and the unpredictable. Isn't that just Chaos?” Aziraphale turned to look at Crowley, his mouth slightly agape. The angel didn’t say anything, the minute changes in his expression enough to tell Crowley every single one of the thoughts passing through his head.

Chaos. Was that it? The missing piece?

God loved His children. God had abandoned His children.

There had been a war in Heaven for Free Will. Free Will they already had. Free Will that Lucifer’s Mother didn’t like. Lucifer’s Mother that had been casted out, Her powers stripped, leaving only one God in Heaven, one that never answered. One that was Chaos.

God had not cast Aziraphale out. He might not have cast Lucifer out either.

Had God given his children complete freedom and had never told them?!

Adam snorted. “This is great. Doesn’t Hell call themselves the chaotic ones?”

“Those gits wouldn’t know chaos even if they drowned in it.”

Aziraphale smiled fondly. “You have been thinking alot about this, haven’t you, love?”

Crowley pressed his lips and changed his sitting position. “It has been some slow decades.”

Aziraphale looked at Adam. “I wouldn’t say slow.” the angel smiled fondly.

“But really, it has been bothering me for a while now. Just that easily we got rid of the Great Plan? We bullshited our way with the Ineffable Plan but what _is it?!_”

“Dearest, you say it yourself, it's ine-”

“Don’t you dare.” Crowley bared his teeth. It looked more fond than threatening. “Look. They fought over Free Will. We fought over Free Will. Thousands drowned in sulphur and at the end of everything there’s _still_ a Plan?”

Aziraphale pressed his lips, looking conflicted.

“If… you know, the _other_ had been the one left in charge I would understand there being a Plan, but all this bloody drama and we’re still stuck with a Plan?”

“Drama you should have told me about earlier! Look all this stuff I have been missing out.”

“Pardon me Adam but if I remember correctly you were the one that didn’t want to be part of it in the first place.”

“Look, I never said no to the drama, only to the awful parent.”

“Lucifer is not awful.” Trixie surprised everyone by saying.

Adam and Chloe turned around to look at her. Her sight still looked distant but her face had turned into that of someone that had taken an important decision.

“Maybe he was a meany when you were a kid but now he’s funny and likes to play with me and loves my mom, even if sometimes he’s weird or does bad things without noticing he’s really trying his best.” 

Adam looked surprised at her. “You really like him, no?”

“Yes! At first he always looked so scared when I hugged him but that’s because no one hugged him, no? You expect Lucifer to not be mean when no one hugged him or told him how to be good, it's not fair!"

Chloe looked surprised to the side to find Trixie tugging at her sleeve, a decisive expression on her face. “Can we go find him? I know people sometimes need to be alone but that’s too much alone time.”

And Chloe couldn’t agree more.

* * *

This time around they didn't reach their hotel in 5 minutes, Chloe might have thanked God for that if her relationship with the guy wasn't such a trainwreck.

After paying the bill - thing Aziraphale and Crowley footed all on their own, Chloe wasn't even allowed to see the bill but she was sure her meager salary was not going to cut it - the 2 celestial beings had offered them to take them to their hotel. Chloe was not going to commit that error again so instead they took the subway.

Before leaving, Crowley had given her his phone number, telling her to call them if they needed help finding Lucifer in case he wasn’t at the hotel. It had been a nice gesture, specially because the demon didn’t look too eager to go look for his boss.

She opened the door to their suite, hoping that Lucifer would be waiting for them there.

She left out a heavy sigh, finding the whole room consumed in darkness. Where could he have gone? The park? For all she knew he could be back in Los Angeles, taken to heart Crowley’s words yesterday and finally accepting his wings.

She would have closed the door again if not for a little wind gust moving the door. She was sure they had closed all the windows before leaving.

She smiled brightly and let Trixie in before closing the door quietly. The girl smiled back at her and rapidly disappeared towards the balcony, skipping all the way there. Chloe rapidly followed after her.

There, behind the half closed sliding door of the balcon something shoone almost as bright a the sun. The sight of Lucifer cocooned in his beautiful white wings was enough to make Chloe forget how to breath at all.

Chloe’s brain came back to reality when she heard the sound of the sliding door.

“Lucifer.” Trixie said in an unusually soft tone.

He raised his head, the massive size of his wings becoming more obvious as he shifted them around to take a better look at Trixie.

Trixie opened her arms, ready to tackle Lucifer into a bear hug, silently asking for permission.

Lucifer looked surprised at that. His wings ruffled, the feathers looking fluffier for a second before he came to a decision. He moved his right wing out of the way, obscuring from Chloe everything but Trixie’s shoes. Her daughter immediately tackling Lucifer.

“You’re not scared of me?” Lucifer asked weakly.

“Mmm-mm.” Chloe heard the negation coming from the back of Trixie’s throat as she walked towards them. “It's ok. You were angry because your daddy was mean to you.”

Lucifer chuckled. The sound bright and beautiful. “I’m still sorry for scaring you, Beatrice.” he said softly, closing his outstretched wing around Trixie.

“I was not scared!” Trixie said energetically, her head peeking out of the massive wing. “You just surprised me.”

Lucifer's surprised expression rapidly softened, shifting his wings to cover Trixie tightly.

Without even thinking, Chloe passed her hand through the smalls feathers at the top. Lucifer shivered, his longer feathers shifting around.

"I'm sorry, should-"

"N-no, it… it's ok." his voice reminding her of the rare times that Trixie would hug him in the early days of their partnership.

Chloe sat down and looked at him, an unnamed feeling in her chest. 

Lucifer waved his wing near her. Chloe didn't take the invitation, Trixie had other ideas.

Her daughter turned around and excitedly tried to caress one of the longer feathers.

"Wait." Lucifer said, moving his whole wing away from Trixie, almost hitting Chloe in the process. "The primaries are dangerous."

Trixie frowned in confusion. 

Instead of answering Lucifer moved he longest of the feathers, the ones located at the far end of the wing, the movement mirroring that of a hand separating the fingers from each other. What was unlike fingers is that they gleamed, less like he natural light the wings appeared to possess and more like the blade of one of Maze's knife.

"They are sharp?!" Chloe asked.

"Very." Lucifer answered. "But not always." he moved the feathers again, making them lose their edge. "Try to not tug them."

Chloe gulped down. "Crowley didn't mention anything about wings being useful for opening cans."

Lucifer chuckled. “Should give it a try. Would be worth it just to see Amenadiel’s expression.”

Lucifer's whole body shivered as Trixie caressed some of the longer feathers, the ones he had called primaries.

The girl smiled mischievously and buried her hands in the small feathers near the top. Lucifer yelped, half surprise half pleasure.

Trixie kept passing her hands through the wing, exploring every part of it until Lucifer could barely sit upright, lost in the feeling of someone touching his wings.

"I thought they would feel different." Trixie said, her hand outlining one of the longer feathers near his back.

"How so?" Lucifer said, sounding more hoars that Chloe had ever heard him, even after just waking up.

"I dunno. Softer?"

Lucifer pouted. "My feathers feel fine."

"But they are like… dusty?"

Chloe passed her hand through the wing, caressing the tiny feathers covering the upper part of the wing. "They do feel a little dry." she said, Lucifer melting against her touch. "Is that normal?"

Lucifer huffed. "How am I supposed to know? I try to not think about them."

Chloe's hand stopped mid caress, her face saddening. The sole memory of Lucifer's scars making her stomach lurch. What had he done? How could he? She didn't want him to feel that way, to hurt himself in such a horrible way ever again.

Chloe was taken out of her thoughts by a strange warm feeling on her back. There, draped against her back was Lucifer's right wing, completely embracing her. She turned around to look at Lucifer, blinking away her tears. Trixie was still sitting on top of his crossed legs, now blanketed in his left wing. He looked preoccupied at Chloe.

"Oh, Lucifer." Chloe said softly, leaning against his side, holding his hand fiercely, never wanting to let go.

"Something wrong, Chloe?" Lucifer asked, his wing tightening around her.

"Don't ever-" Chloe took a shuddering breath. "Oh, Lucifer."

He took a deep sight, his sad eyes looking away from Chloe. "I'm sorry."

"S-sorry? Lucifer, I don't want you-to… Don't-do… Please." the last part came more as a whisper.

This time Lucifer returned the half embrace, holding Chloe tightly with both his arm and wing. They stayed like that for a while, the only sound that of the city around them.

"Can you get your wings out more often?" Trixie broke the silence after what felt like an eternity. "They're really warm and cool, even if they're all dirty."

Lucifer shook his head, his wings giving a small offended flap. "They're not dirty. They can't get dirty."

"Well, they feel dirty, so they can get dirty!"

"How are they going to get dirty? They're metaphysical."

"Meta what?"

"They exist in another plane, one that's not physical."

Trixie huffed. "Well, I can touch them, that's very physical." Chloe couldn't help but laugh.

"They are fine." Lucifer insisted.

"No, they need a bath."

"How am I supposed to clean them?" Lucifer extended his left wing completely to illustrate his point. Those would barely fit even in the penthouse's gigantic bathroom.

"I'm not the one with dirty wings. Maybe we could google it." Trixie proposed.

Lucifer rolled his eyes. "Surely your marvelous internet knows everything there's to know about angel wings."

Chloe chuckled, taking out her phone. Couldn't hurt to look.

She sent a quick message to Crowley, mentioning that they had found Lucifer. Then she opened the browser and started to look for something.

She tried some searches until she stumbled with an article about wing care in parrots. Eh, close enough, he spoke enough to be one.

"Do angels preen?" Chloe asked after skimming through the article.

"Preen?" Lucifer asked.

"It says here that birds preen to clean their feathers."

Lucifer frowned "Would like to remind you both that they're metaphysical, why would I need to clean them?"

"Because they are dirty." Trixie said with a feather in her hand, it was dull in color, its natural glow completely missing.

"Trixie, don't pluck them!" Chloe scolded her.

"It fell on its own." Trixie pouted "look!" she shook the wing a little, multiple feathers falling down to her crossed legs.

Chloe's eyes went wide.

Lucifer huffed. "Fine. Maybe I should have took better care of them."

"We can help you." Trixie singsonged, trying to straighten 2 feathers, gaining a hiss from Lucifer when she tugged a little too hard. "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it, urchin." Lucifer chuckled. "Anyway, isn't it time for _your_ cleaning routine?" he said.

Trixie pouted. "Do I have too?" she said with the biggest puppy dog eyes she could muster.

"Yes monkey. Come on."

Trixie pouted, standing up after Lucifer had moved his wing, folding it behind his back.

Chloe kept looking at her daughter until she closed the bathroom door behind her. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she rested her head on Lucifer's shoulder.

"Are you… Are you ok?" Chloe asked softly.

Lucifer let out a deep breath. "Better."

"I'm glad." She could feel the wing fluttering against her back. "You had your wings out."

Lucifer pressed his lips. "I didn't want to take the tube."

Chloe gulped down, a warm feeling in her chest. He flew here? Had he taken Crowley's words to heart? Had he '_gotten his head out of his arse_'? Chloe gripped Lucifer's shoulder. "Maybe one day you could show me how it feels to fly?" she said, smiling widely as she blinked away the tears gathering in her eyes.

Lucifer stood pensive, his sight lost in the starless night sky. "Are you sure?"

Chloe raises a confused eyebrow. "I would love too. Flying in a plane is already incredible, I cant even start imagining how it must feel to do it with you."

Lucifer lets out a deep sight. “You’re taking all this incredibly well…”

Chloe blinked repeatedly, feeling a ghost pain in her heart as she was reminded of what had she done after learning the truth. “Adam might have been a surprise but I think I’m finally learning to expect the unexpected from your family...”

Lucifer presses his lips, his feathers puffing up. It was impressive how expressive his wings could be, the curious minute movements he would sometimes do with his back finally gaining context. “You’re forgetting something, Chloe.” he turned his face towards her, unreadable and cold. “I’m still the Devil.”

Chloe turned to look at him, between hurt and offended. “Lucifer…” she starts gaping like a fish. “Lucifer!” she says louder, her face morphing into a scowl. “What are you even saying?! We have talked about this. I don’t care that you’re the Devil or how you look underneath it all. I love you as you’re.” she shook her head and took a deep breath.

“That's not what you forgot.”

Chloe looks confused at him, anger still boiling in her heart.

“Armageddon was meant to happen 30 years ago. Heaven and Hell would finally continue the War, taking Earth with them. Haven’t you thought what was my role in all of that?”

Chloe licked her lips before opening her mouth but no answer came from her.

“Millenia waiting for the War to come, to finally get my payback. Eagerly waiting for the day every single human being would die… Even you.” Lucifer wasn’t looking at her anymore. His face looked ashen, pure unadulterated guilt painting his face. “I came to Earth multiple times, every single time knowing perfectly well I would kill you all.” he gulped down. “And every time I fell a little more for this ridiculous rock floating in space... “ his voice wobbled, it wasn’t the voice of the charming, ridiculous man she had met years ago. It was the voice of someone that had been broken too many times. “And yet when the time came I was willing to sacrifice Every Single One of You. Just so I could stand face to face with Father.” he couldn’t contain the laugh that escaped his lips, its maniac sound piercing Chloe's heart. “Stand face to face and just wait for Him to destroy me once and for all.” he kept laughing. It was broken, hurting Chloe to the core. The tears falling through his face. "Pathetic! Thinking we could stand against the Almighty!" he almost spat that last part as he looked up.

“L-lucifer.” Chloe barely whispers, feeling panic threatening to take over her. 

Lucifer kept laughing.

“Lucifer.” she said firmly as she desperately wrestled against the panic.

She could see his maniac laughter for what it really was, the cries of that lonely child he still was.

“Lucifer!” She roarer with all the fury inside of her. It was meager compared to that of a celestial being, pathetic compared to the universe, but it was still a scorching flame, one that burned with love.

He looked wide eyed at her, his hellfire eyes looking out of place in his tear streaked face.

“Maybe the Lucifer from 30 years ago would have done that. But you know something? He’s not _you_!” his maniac smile disappeared from his face, giving Chloe strength. “You’re my partner - in every single sense of the word - and I know _you_. Do you think the Lucifer from 30 years ago would be filling this guilty about something that didn’t even happen?”

He gulped down, not daring to speak.

“Do you think he would be here with me? Would he made me laugh? Hold me? Protect me? Let my _offspring_ hug him? Help her with her homework even when you’re awful at math?”

“I-I’m good at ma-”

“No you’re not!” She laughed, because if he understood math at all, it surely wasn’t the human kind. “Lucifer, you’re not a monster. You’re dorky and awful at math and love to talk about bad movies with Dan.”

“How dare you talk like that of the Weaponizer?”

She couldn’t help but laugh. “You pick up Trixie from school and listen to Ella for hours talk about I don’t know what and go out for drinks with Dan every saturday even if you hate the places he takes you to-”

“And I would like to remind you that that was your idea in the first place.”

“No, I told you to get along, not to have a Boys Night every saturday.” she gave a wet smile. “See, Lucifer? You have changed. You’re not the Lucifer from 30 years ago. And I love you for that.”

He looked at her with big brown eyes, the tears still there. Chloe opened her arms, just like Trixie had done before. He doesn’t accepts it.

“I almost killed you.”

“But you didn’t.”

“I didn’t take that decision.”

“But you took it now.”

“But-”

“Lucifer.” Chloe said, her arms still extended, welcoming him. “I’m proud of the person you have become, the one I love.” She smiles, pouring everything she wanted him to understand into it.

Lucifer exhaled, slowly looping his arms around Chloe. She returns the hug in full force, not wanting to ever let go. It was a relief when minutes later Lucifer finally relaxed.

“Is there anything else you need to talk about? I don't want it to eat you up.” she had to ask. It had been his idea to come bother Crowley and Aziraphale and at the end he had been the hurt one.

He grumbled on her shoulder. It was nice to see him back to his childish ways.

Chloe huffed. “I know something else must be bothering you. Is it Adam? What Aziraphale said?... Crowley?” she felt Lucifer stiffening for a second under her arms. "He lied to you…"

“Doesn’t matter. Less things that humans can blame on Hell, anyway.”

“He still lied to you.”

“Very demonic from him, should have expected it. Brilliant plan, really.”

“Lucifer.” she scolded. He grumbled yet again, his wings beating for a moment.

It felt like hours before he spoke again. “Told him to go make trouble up here and he gave you the apple. Offered him a promotion but instead he prefered to stay as a field agent. Can’t blame him.” He beated his wings yet again. “Honestly, I’m glad he did. Only demon with a brain, that’s for sure. Only earthly reports worth reading, all the others would keep going on and on about priest temptations. If I have to read one of those ever again…”

Chloe raised her eyebrows.

“Even last decade he sent a report, just before I came up here. Awful at being retired, isn’t he?” A somewhat fond smile appeared in his face. “He went on and on about giving a certain human the idea to create an online platform where people could share their lives and games that appeared free at first but ended up brimming with micropayments.” he smiled devilish.

Chloe sighted. “And selfies? And whatever the M25 is?”

“Just brilliant. Elitist culture, exorbitant prices for theater tickets, buses that appeared to have never had a suspension.”

“How… how did you know he also didn’t lie about that?”

Lucifer looked surprise for a moment, a small frown on his face. “That’s a good question. But he himself said it, didn’t he? It’s about tempting the humans to sin. Facebook might be the nearest thing to Hell on Earth but humans were the ones to abuse it in the first place. It’s all your choice to open an account and suffer over elderly people minion memes.”

Chloe snorted. “Says the one who’s older than time.”

“What can I say, I’m a young soul.” Lucifer said, dramatically putting his hand over his heart.

“Yup, forever a 5 year old.”

“You offend me, detective!” he gasped in faux hurt. “But I mean it. You could tell he cared about his silly projects. He really understands what makes humans tick. No demon in Hell could even understand the true horror that is a traffic jam.”

A shiver runs down Chloe’s spine. Maybe Crowley _was_ evil, why else would he come up with traffic jams?

“It's until now that I can see the true brilliance behind his schemes. Before I could see the potential behind all of them to hurt the masses, to make their lives just a little worse but they're all so in brand with the Serpent of Eden.”

Chloe looked confused at him.

“Social media might bring the worst in people, truly the nearest thing to Hell one could experience on Earth. Jealousy, anger, an unquenchable sense of failure as you compare your life to others.” Better description she couldn’t have given. “But it has also brought freedom for some or the knowledge that they are not alone. It’s a tool that can be used for good or evil.”

“Just like knowledge.” Chloe said. 

Lucifer smiled. “That’s what makes you so interesting. You get to choose.”

Chloe frowned. “You also get to choose.”

Lucifer gave an exaggerated laugh. “Tell that to Dad.”

Chloe had to almost bite her tongue to stop herself from telling Lucifer her theory: In all of God’s failures as a parent, He had not once taken away His children’s Freedom. 

Maybe it was more than a theory, seeing as Crowley had gotten to the same conclusion.

“And yet you chose us.” she ended saying. "I would say that makes you more interesting than us." she lowered her voice, trying to imitate Lucifer's husky tone.

He looked at her, eyes half lidded, smiling brightly. 

She got nearer to him, returning the sensual look. She felt as he held his breath, expecting.

Chloe smiled mischievously. "Although please explain to me the good that can be done by buses with awful suspencion." Chloe could almost fell the second all hopes left Lucifer. She couldn't help but laugh.

She wasn't the only one laughing.

"I know! They are fun!" Trixie said, stepping into the balcony. Her hair looked too dry to have just gotten out of the shower.

"How long have you been there, monkey?"

"I just got out."

Lucifer sent Trixie a judgemental look.

"Since you mentioned Facebook." he finally said honestly.

Lucifer nodded once, lifting one of his wings to let her pass. Trixie walked in front of Lucifer and looked at his crossed legs before looking at his face. He nodded yet again, shifting in place to let her sit comfortably.

"And what about traffic jams? What interesting choices come from that?"

Lucifer opened his mouth before promptly closing it, a thoughtful look appearing on his face as his wings fluttered. "None at all. Traffic jams are truly the stuff of nightmare. Crowley should have gotten a commendation for that one." 

Trixie snorted. “I like Crowley. He’s funny.”

“Oh, it’s hilarious to see him freating.” Lucifer said with a devilish smile.

“That’s mean Lucifer. He thinks you’re going to do something bad to him… You’re not, right?”

Lucifer looked into the distance, up the starless sky. “No. I won’t.”

“Even if he lied to you?”

He let out a laboured breath. "Even if he lied to me." he echoes Trixie's word.

"Thank you." Trixie half whispered, cuddling up to Lucifer and staring into the sky.

They stayed like that for a long time, comfortable silence around them.

"Is not fair. Not even here can you see the stars." Trixie pointed after a while.

"Pollution it's a blight that will follow humanity to the end." Lucifer answered.

Trixie grumbled. "We should fix that."

"Good luck convincing the rest of humanity, urchin."

"When I become the president of Mars I'm not letting in those bad guys hurting the Earth."

Chloe couldn't help but snort. 

Lucifer made an aprovatory sound at the back of his throat. "That's the kind of thing I like to hear from a ruler." 

Trixie huffed happily. "Maybe that way I'll finally see your stars."

Lucifer looked confused at that. "My stars?"

Trixie hummed. "Crowley said you all made the stars. It's that true?" she sounded hopeful.

"In a way. Not everyone was tasked with the creation of the stars but I was one of them." That gained an excited sound from Trixie.

"Which ones did you make?!"

Lucifer smiled. "Why don't you take a guess, Beatrice?" he challenged.

Trixie looked thoughtful. "Can I get a clue?"

"I don't think so. It's one of the easy ones."

"The pole star? Polaris?" Trixie said excitedly.

"Oh, good one. That's one, can you guess the others?"

Trixie hummed in concentration. "Alpha Centauri?"

"Nop." he popped the p.

"Altair?"

"Try again."

"Those are the most famous stars."

"Not the most famous one."

Trixie gasped. "Is it the Sun? You made the Sun?!"

Lucifer smiled proudly. "Yes."

"You made the Morning Star!" Trixie pointed with a smiled.

Lucifer pouted. "Stop right there! _I'm_ the Morning Star, don't compare me to your Sun."

"He's right, monkey, the Sun is much more impressive." Chloe said with a laugh.

Lucifer gasped dramatically and Chloe couldn't stop herself from laughing, joining Trixie’s own burst of laughter.

Lucifer smacked them softly with his wings. "Some respect."

It only made things worse, Trixie's laughter becoming louder as loose feathers flew around her face.

"You know what would make you more impressive?" Trixie said between giggles.

"Thing I doubt possible"

"If you got me a hellhound!"

Lucifer looked surprised again. Chloe almost choke on air. "What? No!"

"But they can be any size! And super obedient! And immortal!"

"No hell anything!"

"We already broke that rule with Maze and Lucifer!"

"No child can be without a hellhound. No human would dare to hurt Beatrice with one at her side."

"You're not giving her a nightmare dog!"

"It doesn't have to be a dog." 

Trixie gasped. "Really?!"

"A hellhound will take a form fitting for he name its given. Maze had once one called Blade the Jagged." Lucifer smiled fondly at the memory. 

"No." Chloe said before he could continue his story. She didn't want to even imagine.

Lucifer and Trixie pouted.

"No. We don't have the space for an animal."

Lucifer opened his mouth to protests. "No. I'm not changing my mind. I already have my hands full with 2 children." she ended with a smirk. 

"Daniel?"

Chloe smirked. "I meant you." Lucifer gasped offended, Trixie just laughed. "And my monkey and my devil should go to sleep like good kids."

"Aww!" Trixie protested. "I'm not tired."

"But I am. It would also be nice to be on time to breakfast for once."

Trixie laughed sheepishly before running away to the room.

Chloe smiled as Lucifer stood up, offering her a hand. She took it with gusto and stood before following after Trixie, closing the sliding door behind them.

She went to their suitcases and took out Lucifer's pijama - black silk, a thing he had barely used since coming to Earth - and her own.

Lucifer pouted when Chloe gave him the offending clothing but he still put it on.

She couldn't help but sadden when Lucifer came out of the bathroom dressed in his pijama, his wings now hidden. He turned off the light before getting under the sheets, snaking his arms around Chloe and holding her tightly. She nuzzled him and sighed deeply.

One part of her had really wanted to keep being embraced by Lucifer's wings through the night. Maybe one day he would. 

She wanted to help him, for him to stop hating one part of himself. She still couldn't believe the horror of what he had done. To Chloe the Devil had always had wings, never coming with terms with the scars she had seen so long ago in the back of a delusional man. She had let him hurt for so long and she would never let him again. In that moment Chloe decided that in the years they had left together she would try her best - somehow - to help him with this hate he had. She couldn't stay forever by his side. Maybe millenia in the future she wouldn't even be a memory. One more dead human. She was fine with being forgotten but she wanted to leave him with something. If that something could be to free him of this awful self hatred he still held...

"I'm still new to this human activity of sleeping but I would imagine this is not how to go about it." Lucifer murmured, startling Chloe.

She looked at his face, hidden in the shadows. It wasn't right to tell him about her preoccupations. They were supposed to relax and have fun but here she was thinking about how she would have to leave him one day. It wasn't fair, nothing was. Lucifer had hated himself even before time had existed and he had destroyed himself. The only part of his body that was actually his.

"I will gladly listen to you without a question, Chloe." he said the last part softly, filling her heart with warmth. Only Lucifer could make her name sound like a promise.

She pressed her lips. She couldn't stay quiet after that. "I do have one more question."

Lucifer made an aprovatory sound at the back of his throat, inviting her to go on. 

"You don't… this is… not the real you, right?" Chloe whinsed at her words. That had sounded horrible.

Lucifer frowned. "I'm pretty sure I'm the real me."

"Sorry, I meant… this is not how you look, right? what did Crowley call it? A corporation?"

Lucifer kept looking at her as if she had just grew at least 3 more heads. "No. Without a corporation I wouldn't really look like anything."

Chloe looked up in confusion. "But… didn't you mention wings and eyes and..."

She could barely see Lucifer open his mouth… before promptly closing it, frowning and shifting around the bed. "... It's complicated." he finally said, the response making it clear to Chloe that Lucifer didn't know how to even explain it. "But am I hearing this right?” he chuckles. “Are you scared that you have never seen the _real_ me?”

Chloe pressed her lips, hoping night visión wasn’t another of Lucifer’s hidden abilities.

Lucifer took Chloe’s face in hand and directed it towards his own. Goddammit, he could see her face burning up in shame, didn’t he? “This body is mine. We're not that different: a soul inside a body, even if I get to choose what I look like… to some extent."

Chloe sighted. "Sorry. I'm being ridiculous."

"Nothing to be sorry about. Being ridiculous is what make you human after all."

She looked at him in disbelief, a smile growing in her face. "We're the ridiculous ones? What about you, Mr no child can be without a hellhound."

"I'm starting to think you have something against dogs."

"Who said anything about dogs, only hellhounds."

"Practically the same."

"Blade the Jagged? a knife is not a dog, Lucifer." she said playful.

"Who said anything about Blady being a knife? Her ears and tail were li-"

She snorted, trying to contain her anxious laughter before it woke Trixie. "Lucifer."

He hummed back.

"Lets go to bed. No nightmare dogs involved. Please."

"As you wish, Chloe." he whispers, holding her as if she was something priceless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **My friend:** luca you're writing the plot of a fucking SMT game at this point  
_She’s right._
> 
> In the outline this chapter was purely silly… and then Lucifer decided to have _feels_.


	3. Saturday

"Crowley must have invented breakfast hours." Trixie said as she gulped down a mouthful of pancakes, barely conscious.

"Sorry to say this, spawn, but breakfast hours must surely be one of Heaven's ideas." Lucifer said before taking a gulp from his coffee - dark as the deepest pit of Hell… and one sugar.

"Heaven also interferes with Earth?" Chloe asked.

"Not as many field agents as Hell, but yes. How else do you think those 2 idiots meet?" The amount of angels on Earth must be ridiculously low, judging by how things were. 

"Isn't it like a better version of Romeo and Juliet?" Trixie thought out loud, almost sounding dreamy. "They don't die at the end and there's badass apocalypse in the middle!" Chloe sends Trixie a judgemental look but the girls response is to stick more pancakes into her mouth.

"Better?! The only entertaining part of the play is when they kill themselves at the end." Lucifer said.

"Is not funny, it's sad!"

"You humans call it one of the best works of fiction, exploring forbidden love and tragedy when in reality it is just about 2 teenagers that want to shag each other."

"Shag? what does that mean?" Trixie asked with a frown on her face.

For a second Chloe wished God would remember her existence and smite her. God would not answer to her pleas. "You have been learning about the bees and the birds at school, right?"

"Ah, so is another way to say sex!" Trixie comes rapidly to the conclusion.

Chloe had to resist the urge to let out a deep sigh. "Yes monkey." She really needed to have a chat with Linda. Trixie's sexual education was getting out of her hands and she didn't know how to proceed at all.

For the rest of breakfast they discussed where to go for their last day in London. Lucifer and Trixie didn't like any of the places left in Chloe's list so After 15 minutes of talking in circles they gave up and decided to just relax and stay for a while in the first place that caught their eyes. 

They walked through the streets, enjoying for the last time not being under the scourging burn of the californian sun. A small smile appeared on Chloe's face as Lucifer and Trixie kept discussing Romeo and Juliet. Her daughter's understanding of it more focused on the modern retellings than the actual play.

Soon enough they found a park not far from their hotel, a plaque asking to take care of the young trees not long ago planted there. 

Chloe was surprised by how many kids around Trixie's age were running around the place, playing a strange game between them. Was it catch? capture the flag? human chess?!

"That looks fun!" Trixie said. "Do you think I could join?"

"How am I supposed to know? Go ask the other offsprings." Lucifer pointed out. Trixie looked up at Chloe, asking silently for permission. Lucifer didn't wait for her answer. "Go bother them urchin, I will keep an eye on you."

"Yes!" Trixie cheered as she ran toward the group of kids.

Chloe couldn't help but look baffled at the girl that had ignored her altogether.

"Stop looking so preoccupied, Chloe. No one will dare to get near Beatrice as long as I'm here." The wave of power that came from the Devil himself shouldn't feel this reassuring, but here she was, looking for a bench to sit hand in hand with him.

They sat down and waved at Trixie, who had rapidly joined one of the teams. It took the girl a long time to notice them but when she did she let out a loud snort before waving back.

Lucifer frowned. "She must be having fun." Chloe told him. He only shifted his position.

They stayed there, trying to decipher what kind of strange game the kids could be playing. St James had been nice but they were still there as tourist, seeing the place and being attacked by geese were only items on their to do list. Here they could sit down and do absolutely nothing but look as Trixie tackled someone to the ground. Maze would be proud.

Chloe stretched herself. Lucifer turned to look at her, expecting an intimate move from her part. She snorted, not even touching Lucifer. 

Lucifer looked baffled, borderline offended that Chloe hadn't taken the opportunity, and she couldn't help but roll her eyes. That's when she notices an ice cream cart. 

Lucifer turned around and followed her gaze. "Would you like some?" he asked.

She couldn't say yes, lunch wasn't that far of… but she might have sent him a mischievous look. _Maybe they could get some._

Lucifer sighted and stood up, walking towards the cart.

Chloe would have chuckled at him as he walked towards the old cart on his designer clothes. She would have rolled her eyes at his obvious flirting, even from afar. She would have laughed out loud at the ridiculous amount of time it took for him to choose, none of the options up to his standards.

She would have if someone hadn't grabbed her by the shoulder. 

The hand held her with a crushing strength, too near the throat for comfort. She felt as the second hand tried to grasp her other shoulder but by then Chloe was ready. 

In a fluid motion she stood up, turning around as she held the hand of her attacker. She twisted the arm around as she let her weight fall upon the man.

It didn't work. The figure didn't falter. As if Chloe's whole weight was absolutely nothing.

"How violent." said the attacker, sounding more like a man being bothered by a fly than someone who had tried to attack her.

Chloe stood wide eyed, looking at the man while still holding to his left arm. He was taller than her but not as much as Lucifer, his taste in suits completely different from her boyfriend's - something far more appropriate for an office. His stans was professional and his smile wouldn't reach his eyes. He was nothing like Lucifer and yet she immediately knew this had to be one of Lucifer's brothers.

No human had eyes like that.

She tried to run away but the angel was faster, taking her by the wrist with a crushing strength far from human, easily immobilizing half her arm. She turned her head, desperately looking for her partner.

There, running towards them was the Devil. His flesh burning away as he got closer to them, almost as fast as a bullet.

The angel relaxed his grip on Chloe's wrist, his attention now on the Devil. Chloe saw her opportunity.

She positioned herself before unleashing a practiced hit to the crotch.

There was absolutely nothing there.

"Fuck." Chloe couldn't help but say, Aziraphale's words 2 days ago about having to put effort coming back to her too late.

"Uug." the man made a sound of disgust, looking a Chloe as if she was gum stuck on his shoe.

"Gabriel!" Lucifer roared, his voice sounding more like fire and thunder than anything human.

The angel - Gabriel? as in the Archangel? - stood straighter, his hold on Chloe's wrist becoming ruthless. She held the tears down as something cracked, almost a miracle that her arm haven't turned into dust.

Maybe it was.

An almost animalistic growl tor from Lucifer's throat when he saw her gasp in pain. "Let her go!" the Devil ordered.

Gabriel raised a perfect eyebrow, as if baffled at Lucifer's rage.

"I said. _Let. Her. Go._" Chloe could feel her knees tremble, every instinct shouting for her to run. And yet Gabriel didn't move.

"Her?" Gabriel ask surprised. He turns around to see Chloe. "Oh, the human. Sorry sunshine, you know how this is."

Know what is how?!

"Gabriel!" Lucifer roared, ready to tear the angel to pieces if it wasn't for what he would do to Chloe.

Gabriel shighed, almost reminding Chloe of her own exasperation when dealing with Lucifer's childishness. "More proof that one can't have a civil conversation with demons." he added that last part with pure venom.

Lucifer's anger flickered for a second, hurt appearing on his face. The anger was not gone for long.

"I'll release… _her_," Gabriel said almost baffled. "after we discuss this over. No need to… oh, how do humans say? get your undergarments in an uncomfortable position."

Chloe would have laughed if an incredibly powerful eldritch being wasn't crushing her bones to dust.

Lucifer must have thought the same, as any sarcastic comment he could have said was traded for a snarl.

"How barbaric, this creatures." Gabriel commented to Chloe with the most plastic of smiles. 

Gabriel turned back to Lucifer, corporate smile still plastered on his face. He made a motion to grab something from his back, taking a manila folder from out of nowhere. Gabriel made a show of opening it up but Chloe could see from her angle that it was completely empty.

"I received a ridiculous report and I hoped you could clear this for the office." Gabriel said, fake cheer in his voice. "Something about Hell not wanting anything to do with the Apocalypse. Must have been a filling error from your _things_."

Lucifer's fury shifts to something almost proud. "Oh, not at all. The Fallen might be idiots but they are still your siblings." Gabriel's face stayed the same, fake and cold, but she could feel his whole body going rigid, fury boiling under the fingers holding her in place."They would drown in holy water before wrongly filing something like this."

Gabriel laughed. It lacked any kind of amusement. "Are you implying Hell won't join the War?"

"I'm not implying anything. I'm saying it outright. Earth stays as it is!"

For the first time, the plastic smile left Gabriel's face, the anger finally resurfacing into a fury rivaling the Devil's own. "Who are you to say that?!"

"The King of Hell!" Lucifer declared, the proudest he had ever been of the title.

"Just another demon." Gabriel almost spat, the disdain practically palpable. "It is written in the Great Plan that Heaven and Hell must go to War. Soon enough the failed antichrist will die, no reason to delay this more than it has already been."

Lucifer's vicious grin was immediately erased, he looked with wide eyes at them, almost hurt. Soon enough Adam would be dead. Was that why? … Or was it because he wasn't much older than Chloe herself?

Lucifer snarled. "You might like to be Father's puppet but not me! If you want to destroy Earth you'll have to go through me."

Gabriel looked baffled. "Why? You care for this rock? This… this creatures?" Chloe almost shrieked in surprise as Gabriel raised his hand, holding her in the air as if she weighted nothing, shaking her in the air.

Lucifer pales. "You can't kill humans." he said, almost scared.

Gabriel looked incredibly confused at that. "Why would I?" he finally leaves Chloe back in the ground, holding to her hand as if it were a leash. "They are perfectly capable of killing themselves."

Amenadiel had told her some time ago - one night when she had come to his rescue to help calming Charlie while Linda was out. He had confessed to her how little he had cared for humanity. She hasn't thought it was at this level of… of not giving a shit.

"Then let her go!"

"Let go of the only thing maintaining you civil, demon?"

Had Gabriel ever called Lucifer by his name? Had he ever treated him like the brothers they had once been?

Chloe knew what to do in a hostage situation. You did not enrage the captor, you worked on their term until you could secure the safety of the hostage.

She knew it perfectly well and yet… Oh how she wanted to break Gabriel's face.

This… this being that did not care for human life, that treated his own family as disgusting creatures and wished for a war more terrifying than any other before. Even Aziraphale had badmouthed him without shame.

Oh, how she wished to be the one protecting Lucifer from this heartless being.

…

Chloe wasn't the most flexible in the department and she far prefered punches over kicks, yet she used the iron grip holding her down to throw herself backwards. Gabriel turned towards her, confused, giving Chloe the perfect opportunity.

Her posture was poor but that didn't stopped her from putting everything she thought of Gabriel in a single kick.

A kick directly to his face.

Gabriel let out a surprising yelp, his grip softening for a second, making Chloe fall down. She let out a painful groan before propelling herself up and and running towards Lucifer.

"Samael!" Gabriel roared louder than thunder. Lucifer went rigid for a second. He took a deep breath and stood strong before Gabriel, protecting Chloe behind him with invisible wings.

Gabriel didn't look anymore like a bothersome bureaucrat. He looked ancient, powerful, his purple eyes almost sparkling with power.

Did he want a fight? She had seen Lucifer and Amenadiel fight before. They had said it was only for fun, a brotherly spar if you would, but the destroyed area told another story. What would happen if the King of Hell and one of the most powerful angels truly fought?

What would be of her? of Trixie and the other children?! of the whole city?!

"Aaaaah!" a shout took Chloe out of her thoughts. Even Lucifer's stance faltered in confusion. Chloe couldn't help but peak from behind his shoulder.

There a furious Gabriel shook his leg until a black rope was sent flying into the air. A black rope with a red belly.

As if appearing from out of nowhere, Aziraphale catched the red bellied snake in his arms, looking preoccupied at the animal.

"Aziraphale!" Gabriel said, voice dripping with so much hate it sent a chill down Chloe's back. A strange smell came to her, reminding her of cleaning supplies… no, it was more like a burnt cable.

Aziraphale looked terrified, holding to Crowley as if his life depended on it.

"We're fucked!" Chloe barely heard Crowley hiss.

"You think, dearest?" Aziraphale said, at the edge of panic.

"Ssshould have left them to die."

"You wouldn't."

"Ssshut up angel."

"Crowley…"

"Ssshould have gone to Alpha Sssentauri!"

"I just wanted to tell you..."

"Ssstupid Sssatan, ssstupid humansss, ssstupid Archangelsss-"

"I'm glad I got to live with you. My love."

This was the first time Chloe had heard the sound of a mortally wounded snake.

"Disgusting." Gabriel said in a deep voice, the voice of a monster. The smell of ozone became even stronger and she could feel her hairs stand as electricity gathered in the air.

They were going to die. Gabriel was going to kill them. No no no!

"Don't you dare touch them!" A thousand monstruos voices ordered.

Gabriel raised his head.

And then he disappeared. Leaving not proof of his existence behind.

"Adam!" Crowley and Aziraphale shouted in pure relief as the man stood near them, his unruly hair floating ethereally around him.

Chloe could feel all tension leave her body, the pain in her wrist the only thing proving she had not hallucinated it all.

She looked back at Lucifer and found a strange expression on his face.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Lucifer shouted in anger. A tinge of confusion barely audible to her after years of knowing him.

Adam and Aziraphale turned around to look at him, both baffled by Lucifer's outburst.

No one spoke, a tense silence only interrupted by the shrieks of the children playing what felt like miles away.

Crowley turned around his serpentine head before he shifted back to his human form. Black and red scales giving to skin and hair, all the while Aziraphale didn't look bothered by the weight shift.

"Sssaving everyone'sss arssse?" Crowley hissed, appearing a pair of sunglasses to cover up his completely yellow eyes.

"Saving?" Lucifer said with a condescending tone, almost as if laughing at the idea. "I had everything under control."

Chloe turned towards him, not impressed by the comment.

"Under control? Yeah right, I like London being in one piece!" Crowley fought back, far from intimidating seeing as Aziraphale was carrying him bridal style.

"Dearest…" Aziraphale said, anxious.

"We just wanted to help." Adam stepped in, frowning at Lucifer. He stood protective before his uncles. "Something wrong with that?"

Lucifer blinked rapidly at Adam before his eyes went wide. "You shouldn't have powers!"

Adam almost deflated, awkwardly laughing. "Should is the keyword here."

Lucifer glared at him. 

"Look!" Adam raised his hands defensively. "I was eleven, do you think I was going to give up the power to finish my homework with a snap?!"

Trixie and a younger Chloe would have considered that a very valid argument.

"We just wanted to help." Aziraphale said, trying to calm Lucifer.

The Devil only grumbled, a frown still in his face.

Aziraphale sighted loudly in defeat. Crowley sending him back a strange look. Both of them appear to have a silent conversation, in specific a discussion that Aziraphale appeared to be winning. 

It was surprising to see them have such a deep conversation in complete silence, she was curious if this was because of their angelic nature or just because 6000 of being with one person did that to you.

"Aziraphale!" Crowley said, jumping from the angel's arms in one fluid motion.

The only way Chloe could describe Aziraphale's expression was with a 'fuck it'.

"I want to apologize." Aziraphale said, stepping forward, towards Lucifer. Completely ignoring Crowley's offended demeanor.

Lucifer looks at Aziraphale as if the angel had grown a second head. "Pardon me?"

Crowley gestures widely and turned around. Aziraphale ignored his husband's theatrics yet again. "For my outburst yesterday. I hurt you with my words even when I knew perfectly well how you felt about Her." Aziraphale turned slightly towards Crowley, the demond's body language resembling more a moody teen than a millenia old being. "It was insensitive from my part, specially when I put my… hopes of the truth before the fact that She has deeply hurt you."

A myriad of feelings passes through Lucifer's face. Sadness, confusion, pain… happiness. It settles in a mocking snarl. "Are you stupid?"

Aziraphale's face fell. "P-pardon me?"

"You're apologizing? To me?!" Lucifer said mockingly.

"... Yes?"

Lucifer started to laugh at Aziraphale's answer. "You tried to _protect me_ from Gabe of all people… and now you're apologizing?" the Devil could barely say between laughter.

Aziraphale looked hurt as Lucifer kept laughing at his face. 

"What are you playing at?" the Devil ended, his mocking tone changing to something threatening.

Crowley literally growled at Lucifer, trying to haul Aziraphale away from his boss. The angel didn't move. 

"I'm not playing at anything." Aziraphale said, serious, compassionate. "I truly wanted to apologize."

"Apologize to _me?!_." Lucifer almost sounded maniac. The baffled laughter escaping from his lips not distracting Chloe from how he truly felt.

"Yes. After all… we're associates, aren't we?"

Lucifer stood frozen at Aziraphale's words. Crowley looked at the angel with something bordering panic as Adam tried to stop from laughing almost hysterically.

"We have been incredibly impolite with you, haven't we? We have not believed you once about wanting to stand up for humanity, even when you're yet to probe us right… We’re on the same side now." that made Crowley’s jaw almost fall to the floor. Adam only laughed harder.

Something clicked for Lucifer, who appeared to regain his composure. "Oh, I see. You're not apologizing. You're only scared I'll change my mind. I'm an asset. Heaven will want their War and what better ally than the King of Hell."

Lucifer stepped forward, threatening and imposing. Crowley cowered behind Aziraphale but the angel didn't bulge. Adam stopped laughing and glared back.

"You're not wrong." The only way Chloe can describe Aziraphale's expression is as righteous. Not self righteous like the terrible people that would do atrocities in the name of their faith, not like Gabriel. This one... this one felt real. "Do not expect for us to accept you this easily. There are things that cannot be pardoned." he stood protectively before a baffled Crowley. "Millenia of fear and torture won't be forgotten just because you have decided to stand in the same side as us."

Lucifer grumbles, turning away from Aziraphale.

"Maybe right now it's an alliance of convenience… but who says it cant turn into something more?"

Lucifer smiled, it was a poor imitation of his flirtatious smile. "Something more, eh? Can't blame you, I'm much more charming than Crowley."

Crowley growled possessively but Aziraphale didn't move. The angel standing there, serious.

Lucifer smile faltered, his expression raw and open. "You are apologizing… to me." he sounded incredulous of the fact.

"I am." Aziraphale reassured him.

And for a second Chloe saw something almost as hope in Lucifer's eyes. "You want to start anew." he was almost breathless.

"As much as one can after everything behind us."

Lucifer started to laugh. Loud and full of joy, so unlike his usual laugh. "Lucifer Morningstar." he offered his hand to the angel.

Aziraphale almost jumped in surprise. "I… I was not expecting it to be this literal." the angel takes Lucifer's hand. The Devil shook their hands a little forcefully. Aziraphale looked incredibly awkward.

Crowley glared at Lucifer as he took Aziraphale's other hand and yanked him backwards.

"Crowley!" Aziraphale scolded him.

Lucifer looked almost conflicted, clearly something in his mind. He took a deep breath and smiled. "How rude, Crowley." he said with his usual cheer. "It's not a surprise you were fired from Hell."

"What?" Crowley says, his eyes so wide his glasses almost slipped down. "F-fi-fired?! I'm fired?!"

"Didn't you heard me? Congratulations, first demon in all of creation."

Crowley opens his mouth repeatedly, incapable of words.

Aziraphale's eyes illuminated at that. "Thank you."

Adam appeared to relax at that, letting out a chuckle. He looked weird. Tired.

Both Aziraphale and Crowley turned around. Adam had all but fallen into the bench she and Lucifer had been using. He took a deep breath, looking drained.

"S-sorry. Didn't know how tiresome kicking Gabriel from Earth would be." Adam said a little breathless.

"How embarrassing, you cant even take the trash out without getting tired?" Crowley joked.

Adam snorted. "You could be nicer. I just saved your arse!"

Lucifer glared at him. "Weren't you incisting you were just a human?"

"Hey! Humans also have powers." Adam said.

"Witched do not have this kind of power." Lucifer said.

"Wait. There are witches?!" Chloe asked. 

"Do keep up Detective." Lucifer said. Chloe glared at him. Ok, witches existed, what else?! vampires?! werewolves?!

"That's super cool!"

Lucifer visibly jumped when a 10 year old tackled him.

"Trixie!"

"Hi mom."

"What are you doing here?" Adam asked.

"Apparently humans like to bring their spawns everywhere." Lucifer answered before something occurred to him. "Do you have offspring of your own? Please tell me I don't have grandchildren."

Adam frowned. "I don't and even if I did they wouldn't be your grandchildren."

"Oh good!" Lucifer said cheerfully, leaving Adam dumbfounded at his reaction.

"Awww, I wanted to be an aunt!" Trixie said. Lucifer looked horrified at her. "Anyway, someone in team A took a bandana from team C without first doing the 3 laps but he said it was ok because someone had already thrown down the cup but that was after 5 people had fell so it shouldn't have counted."

"... What?" Chloe said, Lucifer looking as confused as her.

"Oh! It's about the game!"

"Let me-" Adam started to stand up from the bench but thought better about it. He looked up at Crowley and Aziraphale, already breathless without even standing up.

Crowley rolled his eyes. "You owe us one."

"How many do I owe you?"

"Four hundred, eighty two thousand and twenty." Crowley said.

Adam looked baffled. "I didn't know you could count that far."

Crowley rolled his eyes. "I'm not the one that failed maths twice." he ended while sauntering towards the crowd of children shouting in the distance, Aziraphale following after him.

"Hey! Calculus is hard!" Adam shouted. Crowley ignored him.

"You failed math twice?!" Trixie asked, baffled.

"Hey! Maths is terrifying." Adam said.

"But math is awesome. You can do things like video games and rockets!"

"Other people can make those things. Not me."

Trixie stood proudly. “Like me! I’ll be in a rocket to mars one day!” she declared.

"Good luck with that. Will you bring me souvenirs?"

"Maybe." Trixie ended, running towards the rest of the kids. When her kid was nothing but a far away point, Adam deflated, looking truly drained.

"Are you ok? Do you need anything?" Chloe asked.

Adam opened his eyes. "Oh no, no I just need… rest. I should be asking you if you're ok."

"Thanks to you I am."

Lucifer looked offended. 

"And to you too, Lucifer."

Lucifer grinned at her cheekily but the smile rapidly disappeared when he remembered something. "What did you do to Gabe?" he pouted.

Adam snorted. "Gabe!" he laughed out loud. "Er, I don't know. I wanted him gone and… well, it did work. He might not be able to get back to Earth for some time."

"Oh? How long?"

Adam smiled sheepishly. "Erm.. years? Maybe decades?"

That gained a vicious smile from Lucifer. "Well done, not-son!"

Adam startled at that. "I'm not your son." he said serious.

Lucifer looked offended. "That's what I said! You obviously have 2 human parents and those 2 idiots." he pointed at Crowley who was currently being attacked by a mob of pre-teens. He was asking Aziraphale for help but the angel only laughed.

Afam smiled fondly. "I do."

"And no matter how great I am at everything else, I can accept I would have been a rubbish father figure."

Chloe sent him a judgemental look.

"I at least can accept that." Lucifer almost whispered.

Adam blinked, thoughtful. He looked up at the sky. "In all their omnipotence, the truth is that it’s impossible for a god to be kind."

Lucifer looked surprised before he smiled brightly. "Where's that from?"

Adam looked to the side, bashful. "Er… well… me"

"Well, congratulations. I have never heard wiser words." Lucifer said proudly.

"So you really are a writer." Chloe said.

"Yes but not really." Adam said. "I just write on the side. I'm actually the spokesman of a non-profit. I don't know if you have heard of us? World Without Ends."

Chloe's eyes went wide. "Oh! That's why you sounded familiar! Didn't you plant trees in California after the wildfires some years ago?"

"Yes, we did!" Adam smiled proudly. "We fight for a clean world, healthy food and peace, bitch!" he couldn't help but snort at the end, as if sharing a joke with himself.

Chloe decided to not comment on that last part. "Thank you.”

"Yeah, very interesting." Lucifer said disinterested. "But now, what was that about Dad being a wanker?"

Adam and Chloe both roller their eyes as Lucifer sat down next to him.

Adam spoke of his writings. About how he felt that an all omnipotent being could never be truly kind. About how between the well being of creation and Free Will there was no space for true kindness.

And Lucifer listened.

That was until later, Trixie Crowley and Aziraphale would come back, the rest of the kids gone back home.

The 3 englishmen and Trixie would then proceed to explain her and Lucifer what weird game where they playing. but even after an hour and numerous miracled graphs she couldn't understand.

Later they would take them back to the hotel and wave them goodbye when next morning they would leave for Los Angeles.

That's how Chloe had meet a son that had stopped being a son and 2 brothers that had never been. They weren't family, they might had never been family at all.

But who said that one day they wouldn't be one?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMF IT'S DONE!!!  
I'm so sorry for taking this long. I had this whole part planned completely before hand so I didn't expect it to take THIS LONG. Sadly the chat with Gabriel was a mess, no matter what I did it would never end where I wanted it. In 99% of the drafts Gabriel ended mentioning Uriel and then Lucifer would end as a mess and the ending couldn't work like that.
> 
> A lot of things were cut from my original draft months ago.  
In the original Beelzebub came to fight with Gabriel but that got cut due to focus, along with this line from Luci "50 quid that they are shagging!"  
Otherscarped things was a way longer chat with Adam and a completely different ending where Chloe had a long chat with God but although I really liked the exchange it was a little OoC from this god that ignores the cries of their children to just do an exposition dump. Sadly we had to lose some good things like  
“You’re overestimating Crowley’s competence.”  
and when Chloe FINALLY punched God in the face. One day *snif*
> 
> Thanks all of you for waiting for this ending and for actually reading this ridiculous thing that was going to be crack and ended a mess of angst and world building. I hope it was at least enjoyable.  
Look out for part 3: brotherly bothers. Where it's Trixie's 11th birthday and EVERYONE is invited. that one should actually be a comedy… hopefully.


End file.
